


The Flower Blooming in The Pages of Our Hearts

by Sailingfreely



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, But hey I always give good endings, Fluff, M/M, Not really angst but who knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-06-20 13:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15535707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sailingfreely/pseuds/Sailingfreely
Summary: Jaehyun didn't know what to think about him being conned into an arranged marriage with another guy, but maybe he'll be more in regret if he had so stubbornly rejecting his mother's idea.And other jaeyong oneshots collection. I'll mark this as completed since this is compilation of oneshots.





	1. The Masks

**Author's Note:**

> Many are edited oneshots of my other ships, under Reapjewelfish username in aff. Just so no one is coming on to me accusing of plagiarism since yes, that's me too ^^

“Matchmaking?”

“Yes, I've already arranged one for you next week,” his mother calmly said like it was no big deal.

“Wait, matchmaking is like, a meeting with someone with the interest that it could turn out into marriage, isn’t it?”

“Well yes, that’s the idea.”

“Marriage?! Mom, marriage?! I’m only twenty eight! Why so suddenly?!” he exclaimed in shock.

“No yelling Jaehyun. And it’s not your wedding day next week, just a meeting with the other party, getting closer and so on,” she explained calm as ever, already expecting such reaction from his son.

“So on?! Do I have a way out of this?!”

“Now that you mentioned it, I don’t think you do.”

He grew even more terrified at the answer, “why?!”

“Well… Hmm,” his mother pursed her lips as if thinking deeply, although Jaehyun is sure she only do it in mock, “it just that your father and I are very close with the parents, so we kind of wanting to marry our children together. That way we can become one big family!”

“That is absurd! Even you knew it! If it wasn't you won’t be explaining it like that!” how can someone just marry their kids like that?" Jaehyun is not going to believe it, he still have a lot of things he wanted to do before settling down and marriage will only ruin it all.

“You don’t need to know why, you just need to go meet them next week.”

“If it’s just meeting them and I’m given a choice to agree or not, then I’ll go with no resistance. But knowing you and the way how you said it, I don’t have any say in this matter, do I? I’ll be force into this marriage right?!”

“Aish Jaehyun, just think of it as us paying back what we owed to them, I just want to help them in this,” she grumbled.

“And you’re selling me out?! Your own flesh and blood! Mom, are you seriously going to make me pay whatever debt you have with this people, for all my life?!” This time even his mother can’t blame him for screaming in fear.

“I never said you’ll get married that soon, we’ll just put you into living with the other party together, then after that it’s your own call. If you’re to go on with the marriage or not, it’s your choice.”

Jaehyun fell silent immediately, running the words in his head carefully, what his mother said is rolling in his mind word to word as if he’s trying to find where is the trap. “So I just have to live with her? For how long?”

“I’m thinking about a year, but they said six months is already good enough… But I think we should stick to one year,” she stated while her eyes gazing up as if thinking really hard.

“A year?!”

“Isn’t it better a year rather than a sudden lifetime bond?” as always, she’s good at making people have no choice but to agree.

Jaehyun gulped feeling uneasy, it was in anyway very strange, there got to be something wrong with his partner in this misery. “Is she that ugly? Because it should be dangerous for a man and a woman living together, for her parents to agree with this stupid idea is…” he asked because if the person is beautiful, why the desperate setting? Something must be wrong, very wrong.

“What? They are so pretty you won’t get bored seeing them everyday!” she exclaimed excitedly, knowing his son slowly giving in to this crazy idea.

“Then why all this? Is she disabled or something…?”

“Why do you think so negatively?”

“Well, if she’s fine and everything why so desperate like this?”

“It’s the parents, they’re worried since the kid never show interest to other people, that’s why.”

“Oh… Well, at least show me the picture of her before I go to that meeting,” he reach out his hand for his mother to give him the photo, but she have none nor did she planned to let him see it.

“You can see them when we meet next week, no need for the picture.”

“What?” he’s dumbfounded, “now that makes this even more suspicious! At least give me her name.”

“Well, you can know their name at that time too,” she said and began walking away, not waiting for her son to say anything more.

Jaehyun was feeling even more confused and scared at that, thinking this woman must be so ugly for his mother to be that secretive. Or maybe this woman’s personality is so bad that her parents so desperately want to marry her off. Anyway whatever guesses he could came up with are all bad, because it’s pretty impossible for a fine or at least decent person to be matched in this desperate manner, right?

He could only think the worst of the person he’s going to meet next week. It’s the person he’s going to waste a year of his life together after all. How can he think positively over this matter?

 

\--

 

Yet despite the plenty assumptions, the reality is so far off from what he had expected the worst. While he’s sitting at the long table with both his parents at each sides of him and across the table sat the person who’s matched with him with the parents sitting in the same setting as his. Jaehyun then leaning a bit to his mother side very slowly as if one wrong move and his life would end right in the spot.

“Mom, that person right in front of me… Is the one who’s being matched to me?” he asked in a whisper carefully.

“Yes,” she answered effectively with no further explanation, eyes steady on the people across the table with a wide smile.

But Jaehyun is not one to back away so easily, “Um, that person is very beautiful…”

“Now you’re talking!” she smiled massively, massive as in half of her face filled with her smile.

“But… Is it just me or… She looked like a guy…?” he asked with a deep frown etched on his face and had whispered the words very unsurely, almost afraid to offend anyone. But he can’t deny it, the person sitting across the table right in front of him looked definitely like a man, despite they had a very beautiful face. If he have to be honest, actually that person seem to have a manlier face than him.

His mother though, didn’t give him any answer and only straightening her back and smile back to the people across the table again, as if deeming their whispering conversation done.

“Taeyong, let me introduce you to my son, Jaehyun,” his father said while patting his shoulder after her mother gave the man the signal to start the event of that day.

Jaehyun was beyond confused, brain working faster than it ever had in all his life and it all came up the same. The name Taeyong is obviously masculine, no women named like that, and the person in front of him looked very much like a man. So…

“Mom! He’s a guy, isn’t he?!” he said horrified and hopefully in whisper.

“Yes he is,” she answered proudly as if saying, _finally you figured it out, idiot son of mine._

“You’re making me marry a guy?!” thankfully human’s muscles are strong, if not Jaehyun’s eyeball would already be rolling out it’s socket.

“You’re not going to marry yet, did you forget?”

“Why are you so calm?! That’s a guy, I’m a guy too if you so happen to forget!”

“Both of you are a guy, so?” she inquired with a blank face.

Jaehyun face palmed inwardly, “that’s not legal mom! And why dad even agree to this?! Gay people may get more recognition these days, but it's still not legal here, how are you going to marry us?”

“But being gay is just a normal thing, so? And why does it sounds like you’re so eager to get married with him?” an eyebrow shot up on her face in apparent curiosity.

Jaehyun gaping like a fish out of water at that, “t-that’s not what I mean! I-I-!”

“If you’re ready to marry him, you can just do it in America or another country, problem solved,” she shrugged.

“B-but-,“ his word was cut by his father obvious cough, telling the two that their conversation has been heard.

Reluctantly Jaehyun straightened up on his seat, eyeing the parents in the room who looked pleased, yet the persons of interest, Jaehyun and Taeyong doesn’t look so eager with the whole thing. Jaehyun can’t agree more that Taeyong is beautiful, very pretty. God, actually how can an living person look so amazing like that? With glowing tanned skin, sharp enticing jawline, light brown hair almost like caramel and those rosy thin lips, beautiful seems to be an inadequate word to describe him. Beautiful yet manly, he gave off a unique attraction, somehow intriguing even Jaehyun who was, well, claimed to be straight.

And another thing he noticed from Taeyong is that he looked equally uninterested with the matchmaking as him. The guy keep looking down with a blank, bored face. Jaehyun had guessed that Taeyong is playing with his phone under the table. He feel a bit relieved seeing Taeyong like that, it would be more difficult if he’s the only one against this crazy idea. Maybe he could have a decent and reasonable talk with Taeyong rather than the parents.

 

\--

 

“So, um, you’re a guy,” Jaehyun dumbly said when the two of them was left to talk alone.

For the first time Taeyong look up and look straight into Jaehyun’s eyes, “I only got to know you’re a guy after I came here too.”

Jaehyun unconsciously gulped by the cold gaze and tone from Taeyong, but he tried his hardest to remain polite and smiled, “we’re being fooled by our parents, aren’t we?”

“Right,” was the short reply and silence fell on them. Jaehyun cringe at how awkward the situation is and why Taeyong didn’t put any effort in this? Well he also didn’t like the marriage idea, but at least being polite isn’t going to hurt, right?

“Honestly, I don’t like this whole set up thing and I can see that you’re too. But knowing how stubborn my parents is, I don’t think they would let me live the day if I didn’t agree to it. So, let’s just go on with the cohabiting for a year and then we go our own way, how’s that sound?” Jaehyun suggested the only rational way left for them.

Taeyong nodded shortly, “okay”

At the half-hearted reply Jaehyun is irritated, “can’t we at least be civil until next year?”

Taeyong suddenly widen his eyes for a split second and giving his whole attention to Jaehyun, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you annoyed… It’s just, right now I’m nervous and this is how I am usually look…”

“Usually?” Jaehyun blinked in confusion and curiosity.

The other man then lowering his eyes again as if he’s ashamed yet his face still looked expressionless, “people said that I’m not good with showing emotions… So…”

“You mean you always look this uninterested and... Blank?”

“I guess…”

Well, Jaehyun thinks the man did have tiny expressions though, but that cold expression of his seems to rest permanently on his face. And the way he talk is like he’s bored, flat and cold. _But I guess he’s not that bad since he make an effort to explain it to me_ , Jaehyun thought as he's inspecting closely on Taeyong’s face, trying to catch any change. _Oh, well_.

“Please take care of me for the next year,” Jaehyun said with a big smile, too tired to think more than he already did, determined to just let it happen and enjoy it as much as he can, offering Taeyong a hand shake.

Taeyong eyeing his hand first for a while before shaking it, “likewise.”

 

\--

 

So then a month and half after that they moved into a two bedroom apartment with the rent being split between the two of them. Even though it was their parents idea, still they have to pay for everything, funny how it works. Well since the apartment is nice and Jaehyun could have his own privacy, away from his parents' prying eyes, he actually enjoying the idea of moving. Moreover he's starting understand Taeyong a little bit in the last month, the guy is not that bad and he’s confident they could stay civil for a year.

“Which room do you want?” he asked when the movers bringing Taeyong’s bed into the apartment.

The guy in question looked up, with his ever expressionless face, and said, “I’m fine wherever, you choose.”

“Then I’ll tell them to move your bed into the room at the left,” because the bedroom at the right is closer to the bathroom, Taeyong said he could choose, so why not? And actually Taeyong’s room have it’s own plus side, it got a wide window to a good scenery. At least the city at night could look a bit pretty.

Jaehyun turned his head to take a look at Taeyong setting up the living room. The guy never start any conversation with him, even if he initiated a conversation it was mostly only asking Jaehyun about something and after that it won’t have any continuation. Sometimes it could be boring, like you can’t really connect with someone and you feels a bit frustrated at that. Yet strangely Jaehyun didn’t really feel the situation is that bad anymore, maybe because every time he tried a conversation with Taeyong the guy would always appreciate him nicely by listening tentatively even though his face would stay flat throughout the conversation.

Taeyong is one true strange specimen.

 

\--

 

After they got through their first night together in that apartment, obviously in their own perspective room, Jaehyun had noticed new things about Taeyong. Apparently Taeyong in the day had applied a bit of make-up on his face because at night right before he goes to sleep, his face had looked very different. If Taeyong in the day looked handsome and sharp, at night he looked very innocent and cute with his wide eyes framed by a big glasses and bangs down almost reaching his eyes. It was interesting how different he looked at day and night, both are attractive in their own way and deep down Jaehyun wondered why he even had that thought.

Also even though Taeyong never took the initiative to start any conversation, he was always the one who took the initiative to do things. If Jaehyun didn’t say anything Taeyong would cook for the both them and washed the dishes after, even arranging the things in the apartment was done by Taeyong because Jaehyun was too slow at arranging his own bedroom, wanting it perfect that he forgot to help. Taeyong is a man of few words but quick at working things, he’s very practical and although Jaehyun is very glad by his help, he couldn’t deny the guilty feeling for letting Taeyong done a lot of chores when it should be shared.

“Ah Taeyong, let me do the dishes,” he hurriedly walked to the sink, gently shooing the other guy to step away. “This morning you even made me breakfast and cleaned the apartment, I can’t let you do all that.”

Taeyong didn’t say anything, he just nodded with expressionless face and headed to another side of the kitchen, pulling out mugs and seems to be making something. Jaehyun sighed slowly so the other don’t hear him and start cleaning the dishes, obviously not as fast and trained as Taeyong's agile fingers. He had been awed by how fast and effective Taeyong is working.

After he finished cleaning the dishes, he’s drying his hand before turning around to look at Taeyong, “hey I think we should talk about how we share the house chores…” his words slowly vanishing in the air as he saw Taeyong sitting on a stool by the kitchen counter, two mugs on it with steam still coming out.

“Tea,” Taeyong explained and Jaehyun immediately know that he’s giving the other mug of tea to him and for them to have it together. _That’s cute,_ he thought and instantly sitting beside Taeyong.

“Thank you,” he smiled before sipping on the hot tea, “this is also a good time to talk about our house chores, we need to share it. Can’t have you doing all of it alone, can we?”

“That’s okay with me.”

“No that’s not okay, you have work, we both do. So we need to share it, or is doing house chores your hobby? If it is, I won’t stop you,” Jaehyun laughed and for a split second he saw a flicker of amusement in Taeyong’s eyes though his face still stay forever flat.

“No, but I’m fast.”

“Hey, are you mocking me?” he faked a challenge and chuckled lightly, witnessing a twitch of Taeyong’s eyebrows. “But I’m not gonna lie, I’m a pretty lazy person that’s why I’m slow.”

“I know, doesn’t need a smart person to figure it out.”

It’s funny how Taeyong’s face very rarely change but still able to joke, it was more of little details of his face shifting in milliseconds before it’s back to the ever flat face. But those tiny twitches of eyebrows, lips and eyes are what makes it interesting to talk to Taeyong, making Jaehyun intrigued to decipher his expressions, he may be hard to show his emotions but that doesn’t mean he has no expression at all. Though it’s hard to notice, it’s definitely there.

In the end Taeyong is in charge of food and washing their clothes, while Jaehyun cleaning the apartment and dividing their clothes, sometimes ironing them. They take turns in trash duty.

 

\--

 

It took two weeks for Jaehyun to realize that Taeyong is very, very kind although outwardly he looks cold. Firstly, Taeyong is also very patient, he put up with Jaehyun’s bad habits and egoistical way of living –because there are times when Jaehyun was too lazy to do his chores and Taeyong would always do it for him wordlessly-. Taeyong never gets angry, he never even looked annoyed, those flat face of him seems undeniably permanent, almost like a robot. Even when Jaehyun accidently burnt a hole on Taeyong’s favorite pink shirt while ironing, because he’s too engrossed watching a movie, and then he kneeled in apology with a sorry face, Taeyong merely nodded and patted Jaehyun’s head like a person do to a kid.

There’s even that one night when Jaehyun came home drunk, he barely managed to bring himself to the couch in the living room and passed out. Taeyong kindly carry him to the bedroom -how did he do that when the man is a lot smaller than him he didn't know-, then changed his clothes and even wiped him a bit before carefully covered him with a blanket. And the next morning, he gave Jaehyun a glass of apple juice and a nice easy breakfast taking account of Jaehyun's sensitive stomach after a wild drinking. And his kindness wasn’t only at those times and that had Jaehyun thinking, have he even contribute something to their living together? Because as he tried to recall their living, it’s always Taeyong being the wonderful man he is and him doing nothing.

A knock on his door broke his thoughts and came the muffled voice, “Jaehyun?”

“Yeah?” he turned his head to look at the door where Taeyong’s head is peeking in.

“It’s already late, you’re not sleeping?”

He took a look at the clock and surprised how it shown 2 AM, “holy shit, I didn’t even realize…”

“You got a presentation tomorrow, right? You should sleep.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Ah, but I won’t be able to sleep now, I’ve been working all these hours and it will take a while before my brain is slowing down,” Jaehyun groaned then looking to Taeyong, “don’t worry, I’ll try to sleep.”

Taeyong walked into the room and placed a mug of hot milk on the table where Jaehyun is working, “here, it’ll help you relax and have a nice sleep.”

Jaehyun blinked in awe for a while before he grinned widely and joked, “aren’t you going to give me a good night kiss too?”

“Will that help you?”

Jaehyun didn’t answer immediately because Taeyong’s ever flat face makes it hard to decipher whether he’s joking or being serious. In the end he took it as a joke since they often joke around too, so he replied, “of course, I may even have a good dream.”

Then, without saying anything Taeyong leaning down and kissed him on the cheek, face still as expressionless as ever without even a twitch of his eyebrows, patting Jaehyun’s head right after, “Good night.” And he walked out the room, leaving Jaehyun dumbfounded and red in the face.

He was the one who started it and Taeyong was only being the kind hearted he is, so why now he’s feeling so embarrassed like he wanna die? It was a weird feeling of a tickling happiness yet also mostly ashamed, almost wanting to scream at the overwhelming unknown emotions. That night despite the nice hot milk, he had trouble sleeping. Wondering that deciphering his own heart is as hard as understanding Taeyong’s expressions.

 

\--

 

Two months later Jaehyun noticed other things of Taeyong. Before, Taeyong would always apply some make-up and only erase it at night before he goes to sleep, but nowadays Taeyong only wear make-up when he goes out. Jaehyun initially thought maybe he’s just lazy to apply, re-apply and clean the make-up daily, but then slowly he understood that Taeyong had felt comfortable around him to not wearing any make up at home. Because Jaehyun came to realize that Taeyong stop wearing make-up at home after they talked about it.

“Why are you wearing make-up? It’s weekend and we’re always staying at home…” Jaehyun had asked one day, since it’s routine for them to stay in together at weekend.

Actually Jaehyun was a party person and he seldom at home when it’s weekend at the first weeks of them living together, but eventually he felt more comfortable to rest at home and spent time with Taeyong either to laze around or playing a game together. At first he thought he just felt bad for leaving Taeyong alone in the weekend, but then he admitted it was because he felt happy and content to be doted by Taeyong. That’s Taeyong alright, before you know it he already doted on you, making sure you’re comfortable and taken cared of without saying much.

“Because I’m ugly,” Taeyong had answered as if it’s nothing, causing Jaehyun to stare at him wide eyed in disbelief.

“Who told you that?! You’re not ugly!”

“Everybody.”

Jaehyun was angered, he doesn’t even know why he’s feeling that angry to the point he wanted to punch people, “that’s nonsense! You’re not ugly at all! I- I'm actually surprised there are people who can think of you as ugly, like, do they have no eyes? They must have said that because they’re jealous of how perfect you are!”

“So you think I’m not ugly?”

“Of course!” Jaehyun shouted because he’s feeling angry and to show Taeyong how he meant it. “At this point it's more unbelievable to think you're ugly, seriously that's just like defying gravity rules. Honestly you looked beautiful when you’re wearing make-up, but I prefer you without make-up because you look cute and innocent.”

“So I’m not cute when I’m wearing make-up?” he asked with forever flat tone like he doesn’t care, but Jaehyun knew that Taeyong have something like inferiority complex, that’s why he’s more of an introvert and always stay at home rather than playing out.

“Sometimes your eyeliner makes you look like you’re angry or cold,” Jaehyun said because he thought rather than lying to make Taeyong feel better, honesty would be much appreciated. And Taeyong is a wonderful person, there’s no need for him to feel inferior. “But you look good with or without make-up. Okay let's be real here, I don't think there's a time when you look anything but beautiful.”

Taeyong didn’t say anything, he don’t need to when he already know that Jaehyun is always an honest person. And Jaehyun didn’t have to say anything more when he saw the little twitches on Taeyong’s lips to know that the guy is happy. A few days after that talk Taeyong slowly began to not wearing any make-up at home, and now he never did unless he needed to go out, only this he couldn’t stop doing even though Jaehyun always told him to go out without it.

But it seems it’s not only Taeyong who became comfortable in that apartment, their home, Jaehyun is also, if not more. Somehow it already became a routine for Taeyong to kissed Jaehyun’s cheek before they go to sleep and sometimes Jaehyun returned it bashfully, it’s more embarrassing because of Taeyong’s flat expression, he didn't know if the guy doesn't mind it or liking it. And strangely even though every night Jaehyun always sleep in his own bed, he would always found himself woke up in Taeyong’s bed, sometimes with or without Taeyong sleeping beside him. At first he was confused, later on he realized he’d always sleepwalking to Taeyong’s bed, and Taeyong being the kind hearted he is would always give him a space to sleep on.

Every night when he crawled into Taeyong’s bed, the latter would slide to the side and covered him with blanket, patting his back as if lulling him to sleep before turning away to sleep. And every morning if Jaehyun is sleeping too long, Taeyong would always wake him up gently so he won’t be late. Then sometimes Taeyong would brush Jaehyun’s hair with his fingers to settle it like a mother hen. He’s so caring and kind that Jaehyun’s heart always warming up at the thought, even when he's at work Jaehyun can’t help but keep thinking of Taeyong and began worrying if he already had lunch or not and the sort.

When he think back to why they’re living together, Jaehyun then wondered, what exactly their relationship is? Soon to be husbands? Lovers? Just friends before they go back into their own lives? If he were to be honest to himself, he really likes Taeyong, very much so. Well, what is it not to like from Taeyong? His inferiority complex? His introvert side? His expressionless face? His too ordered and neat lifestyle which sometimes drives Jaehyun's messy ass crazy? But all of those are what makes him Taeyong, the kind, caring and sensitive guy whom Jaehyun has started to care for.

But if Jaehyun had to imagine them being lovers, he can’t. He’s not gay, neither is Taeyong -at least from his own assumptions-, they’re just compatible with each other. But when the thought of them separating came to mind, Jaehyun shivered, he doesn’t want to, no. He wants to stay with Taeyong, that’s the truth. But how exactly his feeling is, he didn’t know. Right now he _didn’t want_ to know.

 

\--

 

Warmth. Jaehyun already got used to the pleasant warmth which enveloping him every time he wakes up, it’s Taeyong’s arms around him and unconsciously a content smile graced his lips. That is before he realized that Taeyong is not stroking his head like he usually does, and now he's actually hugging him tightly with his trembling body. This quickly alarmed Jaehyun, he opened his eyes to notice that his head is resting on Taeyong’s chest and the latter’s face buried on his head which feels damp unknown from what, but Jaehyun guessed it was tears. Taeyong’s body is trembling because he’s crying and even though Jaehyun know nothing of the situation, he feels his heart sank at the realization.

“Taeyong?” he called soothingly bringing his hands to stroke the other’s back as to give any sense of comfort.

Taeyong sniffed then stop crying, letting go of his hold over Jaehyun and wiped his face. “Sorry I woke you up,” he whispered.

“Hey, that’s okay,” Jaehyun shifted in the bed to level their eyes, his hand caressing Taeyong’s cheek after he brushed away the bangs on the sweaty forehead. “What’s wrong?”

Taeyong sniffed again, “I had a bad dream…”

“Ah, Taeyong…” Jaehyun didn’t know why but his heart swelled at how vulnerable Taeyong looked, maybe because this is the first time ever he witness obvious emotions from the other, that a part of him felt like Taeyong had completely broke down the walls around him. “What did you dream about?”

“My family… I don’t know, it felt like I was left alone…” he muttered slowly as his face has changed back to it’s usual expressionless look even though a few tears still rolling down his already drenched cheeks.

Jaehyun smiled in an assuring matter, “it’s just a dream Taeyong, I think that’s because you miss them. When was the last time you met them?”

Taeyong is blinking as if in deep thought before answering, “since I moved here…”

“What?! Of course you miss them! Why didn’t you see them before?” Jaehyun is dumbfounded at the revelation, because he himself have been seeing his parents every two weeks and every few days his mother would call him. “Did you at least call them?”

He nodded, “when mother or sister called me…”

Jaehyun almost gaped at that, realizing that the man is that socially awkward not only to other people but also his own family, “you should have call them first if you want.” Taeyong merely stare back to him blankly causing him to sigh with an understanding smile, “it’s good that today is Saturday, you can go home to see them.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Taeyong uttered, for a split second a spark seen in his eyes at the realization, but then it ceases again. “Is that okay with you?”

“Of course it’s okay, I’m not a kid, I can survive a day or two without you,” he chuckled and how his heart felt like it’s bursting out his chest when he saw a thin smile rose on Taeyong’s plump lips. It was just that, the sight of something so blissful and pretty that had his heart leaping miles, face blushing with overwhelming feelings. That's the first he see a real smile on Taeyong and Jaehyun is utterly mesmerized.

“Jaehyun? Are you okay?” Taeyong asked with a slight worried tone while his face already changed back to it’s default mode, flat. Where did that beautiful smile go? Was he going through a trance that Jaehyun somehow missed seeing that smile fading? He wanted to see it last!

“I’m okay… You better get ready now, wouldn’t want you to miss them any longer.”

And Taeyong nodded at that enthusiastically, minus the smile.

 

 

At first it was going so well for Jaehyun, going to play with his friends and all, spending time outside when he realized he had been too coped up in that apartment with Taeyong for too long. His friends had complained why he suddenly hard to reach and never meet up with them again, suspicious over the matter of his sudden moving. But then he smartly dodge it and said something like the place is closer to his company along the lines. It’s not that he want to hide the truth, but it would be way too complicated to explain the whole deal with Taeyong, so he chose to avoid the topic instead.

But after going around the city with his friends about a few hours, he’s starting to feel bored, like something is missing, like he should do something else rather than being out like this. But he didn’t know why he felt that why, he’s so clueless and felt lost and in the end he realized he have been so distracted that his friends keep asking him if there’s something wrong. Still, despite the odd feelings he decided to continue the day with the guys, after all even if he’s going back to the apartment there won’t be any Taeyong to welcome him.

When it’s 8 PM he can’t stand it anymore and feeling tired more than ever, so he parted with his friends and going back to the apartment, back home. And somehow when he’s home, he feel a bit relaxed, maybe because he could rest without having to concentrate on any yapping his friends did like earlier, maybe because he finally had some time to be alone, or maybe it was because the relaxing scent that lingers in the apartment. He couldn’t understand exactly what scent it was, but he knew it’s a scent that only exist in this apartment, the home that he shares with Taeyong.

Suddenly the feeling from earlier came back, but much stronger than before. He feels bored, empty and lost yet he didn’t know why. He keep his mind going around as to try to dismiss the annoying feeling, thinking to do something rather than laying around doing nothing and the odd feeling only grows larger. Yet no matter how bored he is, the will to do something doesn’t exist, like he’s too lazy to do anything but didn’t want to feel bored anymore, the idea of watching a movie doesn't even please him. He feels very lost, like a kid feeling uneasy to be left alone by his mother.

“Jaehyun?”

The said guy jerked up from his lay on the floor and snapped his head to the voice, startled to the point his heart might have jumped out from his ribcage and even more so when he saw who exactly is standing in the living room.

“You okay?” came the question from that person, staring down at him.

“Why are you here…?” he asked no more than a whisper before he thought that he may have been dreaming.

“I came back because I was worried to leave you alone.”

He chuckled dryly, realizing the odd feelings from before vanishing at the sight of the guy standing in front of him. “You had so little trust on me, huh?” he tried to joke, but his own astonishment made it lost the witty tone.

“I don’t want to come home to a house looking like a sinking Titanic,” Taeyong retorted the joke with his usual cold tone and flat expression.

Jaehyun laughed, but it was of something else, half of it contained a bad humor over his own situation. The other half was because Taeyong said _home_ , and he just can’t dismiss the feeling which fluttering in his chest at that word coming out from those rosy thin lips. He can’t even try to fool himself into ignoring the fact that he's feeling normal and content when Taeyong is near him. No matter how much of an idiot he is, he realized that he had gone too deep at liking Taeyong.

And he didn’t know if he like that realization at all.

 

\--

 

It took only six and half month of living together for Jaehyun to suddenly became overly conscious and avoiding Taeyong altogether. He was afraid, of what he didn’t know for sure, all he know was he’s beginning to feel dependent and attached way too much towards Taeyong. And he realized the growing feeling within him, as much as he tries his best to deny it, because acknowledging it means everything he had lived all those years would be a lie, then there is no turning back and he would become a different person. He is that much of a coward and stupid, but it was all against his common sense to just give in to his newly found feelings.

Taeyong is a man, no matter how hard he tries to have a roundabout, it won’t change. Yet he can’t fully deny the brimming emotions he had when Taeyong is near him, and how physically attracted he is towards that other man. He, more often than not, found himself wanting to kiss the smaller man's lips, to embrace him and taste his naked skin. A dangerous thought since he always believed that he's totally straight. So he chose to runaway, away from Taeyong, away from their home which full of the guy’s addicting scents. He's still coming back home every day though, but at much later time than he usually does, when he's sure that Taeyong is already asleep when he came home. It doesn’t mean Jaehyun did that with a light heart, it's actually weighing him down terribly, especially when he saw Taeyong saving him dinner and breakfast, or when Taeyong’s eyes seemed downcast when Jaehyun pretended to be too busy to talk to him. It hurts so much, so much that he often can’t sleep at night, knowing what he’s doing is not nice. Not nice at all.

But what can he do? He was lost in his own confusion and frustration.

 

“Jaehyun, can I have a moment with you?” Taeyong said one day, the expression on his face is tight, slightly different than his usual flat expression.

Jaehyun was intending to say he was busy, but seeing that look on his face, he knows he have to comply. So he nodded and following Taeyong to sit on the couch in their living room.

“I think we better stop living together,” he started right out the bait without wasting time. And this, had Jaehyun’s heart stopped beating for a second, a feeling similar to riding a rollercoaster which going down from the peak at the highest speed. “I will move my things later until I found a place, but tomorrow I will stay at my-“

“No!” Jaehyun instinctively screamed, face white and heart thundering in fear. “Why? Why would you…?”

“If I stay, you won’t come home, you will feel uncomfortable whenever I am around, isn't that so? What’s the use of this apartment then?”

 _What’s the use? To keep you with me, maybe? Although all I ever done is avoiding you?_ Was thoughts which came flying in his mind for an answer yet he didn’t have the courage to voice it out. Not until he come terms with his own feelings and he’s far from ready at this time.

“The agreement is for us to stay together for a year… I-if you move out now, then… Then why started it in the first place?” he smartly reasoned without laying bare his real intention and feelings.

The look on Taeyong’s face slightly changed to something Jaehyun perceive as, embarrassment? “The deal was done because my parents are afraid that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I have been misunderstood for so many times that I had given up to try seeking other people, being alone is when I’m most comfortable in my own skin and that led me to a life with no relation at all. But then they came to know about you, a son of their friend who have a sociable and bright personality. The marriage setting was only a mock play to get me to socialize with another person, that is you. They know we are both straight, that’s why they only aim for us to be friends and in the following I would have more friends through you, if everything goes as planned.”

Jaehyun was stunned by the revelation and at that point he couldn’t feel anything, just blank as his mind seems to stop working at the shock. Was he disappointed? Angry? He didn’t know.

“I didn’t know any of this at first,” Taeyong continued and for once Jaehyun realize this is the first time for him to hear the other guy talking so much. “What I did know was it’s too suspicious for them to set me up with you, another man for a marriage, even more so when I learnt that you too, aren’t gay. When we eventually become closer and I found myself comfortable around you, I realized, this might be what they’re planning for from the first, for me to gain a friend and stop isolating myself from the outside world. And we I confronted them about it, they confirmed it.”

Jaehyun know it wasn’t the right time for his heart to acting up in fluttering emotions, but his body is more honest than his mind in the matter of feelings. When Taeyong said that he’s comfortable around him despite him being practically a solitude seeker, that had his heart leaping in pleasant warmth, utterly happy to know that fact. Happy that he means something to Taeyong. But then, the anger for being conned is also there and for another question to rise. If Taeyong already knew of the real objective of the whole deal, then why he didn’t say anything and try to stop it? Why only now he said all of it when he felt that Jaehyun is avoiding him?

“Why are you telling me this now?” He voice out the question effectively, he didn’t want to keep the suspense any longer while some feelings blooming in his heart at the idea. Fear, as he’s not yet ready and anticipation, as deep down, he wishes for it. A mutual affection.

The corner of Taeyong’s lips slightly twitched upward in a way Jaehyun had decipher as a sad smile, “so that you don’t have to feel obligated to see the agreement through to the end, if you’re unhappy with it, it’s okay to call it off.”

“Why would I? I’m not unhappy.”

“But you… You are avoiding me, you don’t want to see me right? I’m sorry if I did something that make you feel bad…” he said while lowering his eyes a bit, a very subtle movement which almost go unnoticed by Jaehyun, but his trained eyes won’t let it pass.

A wide smile stretched out on Jaehyun’s face, the realization had hit him hard and that leave him with feelings of accomplishment and endearment. He, by all means is the one with apparent expressions, emotions and is most definitely easier to understand. But Taeyong, although he may appear expressionless all the time, the truth is his emotions was also shown truthfully on his face, body language and other gestures. While his expressions are jaded in someway from the social life and acts of defense from the harsh society, Taeyong’s was always pure and genuine, he shows what he truly feels, there is no lies behind it.

Jaehyun may appear bright, sociable and have many friends, but truth is, he didn’t even know which of his friends are there with him with pure intentions and stay as real friends. The friends he gained through carefree attitudes and playful mask when truth is he guarded his heart from anything that could possibly hurt him, he rarely ever being his true self without layers to defend him out in the open. While Taeyong who appear so stiff, so guarded and distant with his cold demeanor, yet the truth is he was genuine and without a mask to defend himself. He stay true to himself with no plays, no games, just him. He just happen to be bad at showing his emotions, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It's there and as honest as it can be.

So when Taeyong said that he’s comfortable with him although he prefer to be alone, in the safety enclosure of a home instead for being outside, he had meant it for real. Jaehyun must have mean something to Taeyong for him to let go of his solitary lifestyle, even though Jaehyun didn’t know if that something is big or small, in the end it’s still _something_. A feeling. And that Taeyong keep staying with him even though he had came to know his parent’s objectives, which then also meant something, something more and bigger than Jaehyun had initially thought.

He was still unsure of his own feeling, unsure whether it was the right thing to pursue it or not. It was no longer the matter of him having those kind of feelings towards a fellow man, he have realized that it's useless to deny the overwhelming feelings within his soul. The problems was, whether it was right to let it grow even further and pursue it, or killing the feelings altogether. And this was a good chance for him to choose, stay or go away from Taeyong, from the man he came to care about, the one from whom he learnt genuine happiness and a real friend, where he found new feelings, whom he came to love. _Love_ , such a strong word which bring a shiver through Jaehyun’s spine. But the realization was even stronger than his fear, the warm burst of emotions within his chest was something he can no longer turn a blind eye to. And so, he chose, rather than letting his head have a time to think through of matters which would make him regret and most possibly over thinking it, he's leaning forward to let his heart and body decides and do all the thinking. No more lies, no more mask. If Taeyong giving him honesty then he should reciprocate it with equal honesty. He worth it, he deserves it.

He may regret this in the future, but screw that, he lives in this moment, in the present. No one can fault him for being honest, que sera sera.

So he's leaning and keep leaning forward slowly until his lips landed on a smooth golden skin, warm and supple, leaving it there for a few seconds to let the realization sinking into his own head and in the other’s. He had braved his heart to kiss Taeyong, he might have realized he didn’t necessarily kissed him on the lips and only on his cheek, but whatever. It is still a kiss and maybe if he kiss him on the lips too abruptly like that, it would have a nastier end, like maybe he'll be left with a black bruise which is seems easier to endure than being hated.

When he pulls away and open his eyes, his heart got caught in his throat and blood rushing under his skin with excitement and happiness. Taeyong is looking straight into his eyes with slightly baffled face, bashful features and blushing in embarrassment. Wow, Jaehyun had mastered the skill to read Taeyong’s expressions it seems. And such endearing display only further making Jaehyun’s heart swells in a warm, overwhelming emotions. _Damn, I really love him, didn’t I? Fuck the world, I want to be with him._

“You are smart enough to see through your parent’s plans, so you should be able to understand what I meant with this and why I avoided you before,” Jaehyun said in his newly found confidence over his own feelings.

“B-but… I…” Taeyong stuttered through his thin lips and reddened face as if in a shock.

Jaehyun didn’t let him say anything more, he leaned in once more and this time, he kissed him fully on the lips and only pulling away enough for their foreheads to rest together, “do you hate it?”

Taeyong lowered his eyes to the floor, face flushed yet he slowly shaking his head as an answer, making Jaehyun’s heart swells even more and leave another peck on the lips causing the man to whine, “d-don’t do that…”

“But you said you don’t hate it,” Jaehyun pouted.

“B-but… My heart feels so full…” he uttered honestly with redder face and hiding his face by ducking his head. Jaehyun laughed happily, letting his arms coiling around the smaller body to embrace the other guy with heartfelt gesture, pouring all his feelings into that single act and resting his head on the side of Taeyong’s head.

“Don’t worry, we have five months and half left to let you get used to me,” he whispered with determination and tighten his embrace, sealing it with a gentle kiss on the other’s temple. And was answered by being hugged back by no other than Taeyong, although shyly. That was the moment when he wonders, how did his heart didn’t explode from all the happiness?

So they're not so straight after all, huh?

 

\--

 

Even more so when their parents got utterly shocked when they were announcing their plan to get married, _for real_ , after living together two years exceeding the initial a year agreement. They parents had let they stay together for longer without much question and the initial idea of a marriage was never being brought up as it wasn't their objective. So it's understandable and an understatement to say that they're surprised with their plan to really get married, Jaehyun and Taeyong would never forget the look on their parents' face when they finally came out clean, _ever_.

So they are happy when they stand together and exchanging rings with their parents and friends as their witness by the altar. Bright, blinding smiles adorning both their faces, even Taeyong. After those couple of years together, it seems Jaehyun is rubbing off on Taeyong and the guy learnt to show a lot more expressions, maybe he's becoming even more dorky and witty than Jaehyun. Strange as it may, but true.

“When we laid bare our hearts,” Jaehyun said with a content wide smile facing his now husband.

“And honesty through hardships,” Taeyong continued and sealed it with a searing kiss full of affection and love.

 

_Your beautiful smile is something I live for._

 

 

 


	2. I've Known You Since Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're the best of best friends, learn to talk, walk and to live their lives together in every moments. They hold each other closer than any brothers would.
> 
> But maybe, it all comes down when someone came into their life.

Jaehyun is never a morning person. Everytime the sun is rising and trying to peek into his window, he would dig his head deeper in his pillow, relishing at the soft, warm and comfortable bed until it last. Even so, he's never late to go to school and in all his life he never have the need of an alarm to wake up, ever. Because he have Taeyong.

Taeyong is the personification of sun itself. Bright, cheerful and so wonderful no matter how weird and too enthusiastic he could be, which is pretty much almost all the time. Just looking at the gleam in Taeyong's eyes could make Jung Jaehyun grin widely because he know what's in the other's mind, and Jaehyun inhales it all like an oxygen. They've been together for so long they don't even remember how they first came to know each other, probably even when they were still babies wrapped in diapers and barely able to mutter a word.

It's their routine, their way of life when every morning Taeyong would sneak into Jaehyun's room and jump onto him with all his glee and tossing around above the bigger boy just to get Jaehyun out from the comfort of his bed. Taeyong's high pitched, odd sounding laughter would fill the room just like the soft trespassing sunlight and Jaehyun would found himself smiling despite he should've been annoyed from the rude awakening.

"Wake up lazy ass!" Taeyong pinched his butt and Jaehyun slapped his hand as he's gritting his teeth in annoyance but also amusement, and retaliating by slapping Taeyong's -almost- nonexistent butt, content when the other is yelping.

"I will blame you if my ass gets even deflated from your constant slapping!"

"Not like you ever have any butt to begin with," Jaehyun snorted as he's getting ready.

"How dare you, take it back! I have a butt, you blind prick!" he pushes his butt out to emphasize. "You're just jealous you can't wear those tight leather pants," he yelped again when Jaehyun slapped his butt for the second time that morning.

"Breakfast?" Jaehyun inquires like he always did without fail, not minding the untruth Taeyong was saying, since they both knew Jaehyun can wear tight leather pants just alright, _thank you_.

"I had it at mine," he came to wrapped his arms around Jaehyun and walking together to the kitchen while dangling on the taller boy's back, then greeting Jaehyun's parents at ease since they're practically his second parents. This is a daily occurrence after all, no one is even batting their eyelashes to them.

"You're not having breakfast Taeyong?" Jaehyun's mother asked which got answered by the two teenagers with a ' _no_ '.

"Taeyong, can you go with me for the next soccer match?" Jaehyun's dad asked with much familiarity.

"Why you always drag me to it? You know how bad I am," Taeyong pouted, pulling more at Jaehyun's neck then and giggling, "this son of yours is better at it, beside he's been complaining that you're spoiling me more than him."

"I did not," Jaehyun hissed, jabbing his elbow to Taeyong's side since it was supposed to be a secret between them, he may have blushing a bit but Jaehyun won't ever admit it.

"It's funnier to see you struggling, and Jaehyun make me look bad at it," his dad laughed together with Jaehyun while Taeyong can only roll his eyes dramatically at it. It's cute, Jaehyun thinks, they always love to annoy Taeyong since the boy's reactions is always so funny. Unconsciously Jaehyun holds Taeyong's hands which still around his neck, smiling widely with dimples on his cheeks as he's leaning back to bump their heads gently.

This kind of intimacy is routine, something which always been there for them and not at all awkward as if they're breathing. Taeyong himself is a touchy person, he crave skinship from anyone, touches is what soothe Taeyong the most better than any prettiest words could do. He gains confidence and comfort from being close to people and Jaehyun pretends not to notice how he feels proud and happy in the way Taeyong's touches are more excessive only to him and no one else.

And at the end of the day when Jaehyun or Taeyong particularly feeling down, their eyes would found each other in comfort and understanding, the touches would lingers and the words said to soothe the pain the world is befalling on them.

"You know that I'll always be there for you, right? No matter what."

And they would smile to each other no matter how bitter it would be because they found their footing when they're together. Because they're the best of best friends.

 

\--

 

But their dynamic slowly shifting to change when Taeyong starting to talk about this certain Yuta guy animatedly. Jaehyun understand that Taeyong is enthusiastic almost about everything, even to little or strange things, Taeyong is always so curious and would be so into that new something he may get too focused and forget other things. He rarely forget about Jaehyun, but that doesn't mean it never happened, just like when Taeyong got too interested in anime and manga. But this time his enthusiasm almost feel like a slow burn in the pit Jaehyun's stomach and the throbbing ache in his chest.

Jaehyun came to know about Taeyong since he couldn't properly babbling baby words, he learnt to understand when something is off, he knows when Taeyong is being out of ordinary. He knew Taeyong too much that at a single glance he could practically hear what the other is thinking, they often communicate only through their eyes, wordlessly. That's how close they are.

But this time he's not sure if he could. This time Jaehyun could feel it how Taeyong is slipping away from his grasp everytime the boy start to talk about that other boy animatedly. The glint in his eyes, the enthusiastic grin and the way he talks, Jaehyun know that Taeyong is very infatuated to this Yuta.

"Hey Jaehyun, hey!" Taeyong yells excitedly while running to him from across the school field, hands flailing around until it catches Jaehyun's arms and squeezing it fondly. Usually Jaehyun is welcoming the touch, it always feels pleasant to have Taeyong clinging to him, yet this time it done nothing to soothe the uneasiness in Jaehyun's heart because he already knew what the next thing Taeyong is going to say. "Listen! God, you have to know this! You know that today I got chemistry, right? We have to team up and I was-"

"Yuta again?" Jaehyun said curtly that he himself got surprised at how harsh he sounded.

Taeyong's eyes grow wide in shock, hands going slack on Jaehyun's arms because this is the first time the boy is being cold like that to him. They may fought a lot, but Jaehyun never snap at him with no reason like that, the boy is always so kind, all dimpled smiles and soft voice. The shock and slight hurt which flashes on Taeyong's face woke Jaehyun up from the tight coils of his stomach and what washes over him was guilt.

"Sorry, I was having a bad day," he twist his lips like a poor excuse of a smile. But Taeyong, sweet and gentle Taeyong always relenting and smile back although a bit uncertain.

"Are you okay?" he asked with voice latched thickly with worry.

"Yeah."

And still Taeyong searches Jaehyun's eyes for a moment to see if the boy is being truthful, before he wraps his arms around Jaehyun like usual, resting his head on the taller boy's shoulder as comfort. Truth and lie mixed that they couldn't understand what's to see in each other's eyes.

Suddenly for the first time in their life, they feel awkward.

 

\--

 

Things didn't get any better after that, actually it get worse. Taeyong is observant and he noticed Jaehyun's dislike toward Yuta despite the fact that they never meet. Taeyong had tried to tell Jaehyun to try to meet Yuta so he would know the guy better and see it for himself, because apparently Yuta is very likeable and witty. But Jaehyun steels his expression, wordlessly saying 'no' and Taeyong stop talking about Yuta altogether after that.

Taeyong didn't understand why Jaehyun is disliking Yuta. Jaehyun always love people, probably even more than Taeyong is although sometimes the boy can be quite sensitive, he would mingles with Taeyong's friends naturally as if they're his friends too from the beginning. There are times when he doesn't like Taeyong's friends, but he's always polite about it to Taeyong, understanding like the soft person that he is. He never reacts negatively this strongly. Taeyong is confused and wants to know why, unknown to himself that Jaehyun also didn't know what is the answer to it.

Jaehyun is also confused why he hates Yuta. They never meet and from all Taeyong's stories of Yuta, they are all nice. So why there is this awful feeling growing in his chest and stomach churns unpleasantly whenever Taeyong talks about Yuta? Or the hot tingling in the tips of his fingers and anger when he saw Taeyong being all over Yuta and as close as he would usually with Jaehyun? Wasn't he supposed to be the only one Taeyong get to be that close? Why suddenly Taeyong changed? Why suddenly he feels like he's being replaced? Why suddenly another person than him able to bring out the gleams in Taeyong eyes to shine brighter than the sun?

Wasn't he supposed to be the only one to have that side of Taeyong to himself?

Even though every morning Taeyong still come to wake him up. Still embraces him whenever they feel like it, because of routine or for comfort. Caressing his cheeks softly when the day being particularly hard and smiling feels so bitter. Still whispering, "I'll always be there for you, always," to him every evening before they will separate to their own home. And Taeyong laughter still caused him to smile, warming his heart. But Jaehyun noticed it, something between them is changing.

He noticed how Taeyong not being as touchy as he usually did with him. He noticed how Taeyong averting his eyes when they stare at each other too long, something which never been a problem to either of them. Or the way Taeyong flinched when Jaehyun being the one to initiate skinship. But the thing he noticed the most is when Taeyong's smile loses it's brightness and how sometimes he almost look like he's anxious being in the same room with Jaehyun.

It hurts. It hurt so fucking much. And anger settling in Jaehyun's heart from the growing frustration of their somewhat messed up dynamic. He realizes he's losing his footing and Taeyong is slipping away. And his anger turned into hate when he saw from far away how Taeyong is laughing openly while hugging Yuta.

 _Yuta_ , he dreaded the name.

Then one night when Taeyong want to stay over, Jaehyun didn't answer and let him be. He chose to stay quiet when he pressed himself to the wall on the bed, face hidden and feeling Taeyong's strong yet lean arms sneaking around his waist, snuggling to the broader back like they always did. But he was feeling bitter, angry, mad and just so awful about everything. For once Taeyong's presence wasn't able to soothe his heart and only make his anger burns even stronger.

"Don't you think we're too old to do this?" he spat out and for a second he couldn't taste anything and only anger which stinging his whole being. But then guilt came flooding into him when he felt Taeyong going rigid behind him, slowly pulling his arms away and stepping out from his bed. Jaehyun turned around, his heart bleeding at the sight.

The look on Taeyong's face is indescribable, full of hurt, anguish and dejection. And Jaehyun subconsciously mirroring the pain, he could feel it hammering in his chest, the twist of his stomach and blood turning cold as he's getting up from the bed, trying to reach out for his best friend. Because this is Taeyong, his best friend, his soulmate, his brother and his sun. Never in his entire seventeen years of life have he seen Taeyong looking so hurt like that. And he's the one who caused it.

"Taeyong-"

"I tried Jaehyun, I fucking tried. But I don't understand you anymore," he said much with trembling voice and tears brimming in his eyes. Then he turns around, letting Jaehyun see his back getting further away as he's leaving, and the door closed between them letting the scar opening up more within their soul.

It took Jaehyun a moment before he realized that he's crying. And it took him a long agonizing cries to understand that what he's been feeling is jealousy and that he had taken Taeyong for granted.

He let himself drowns in his tears, tasting the stinging pain in his heart as his mind replaying the sight of Taeyong leaving, the way his face twisted with pain because of him. But gradually he's clenching his fist through the tears, realization and determination blooming in his chest because tomorrow he will talk. Tomorrow, he will try to take back his Taeyong.

 

\--

 

The next morning was even more painful than the night he had his heart crushed to the ground. Even when the sun is shining bright and birds are chirping merrily outside his window, he couldn't ward off the hollowness in his heart as the room remains cold and quiet. For so many years his room was rarely quiet in the morning, there would always laughter waking him up and arms cradling him with eagerness yet also gentle on his skin.

He had his eyes open, waking up to the agonizing silence, counting and hoping to hear the sneaky steps around his room and the soft creaking of his door. But it never came, and he closed his eyes again because his eyes starting to burn and the tears begging to be let out. He don't want to, he don't want to sink again as he's remembering painfully that Taeyong would still always came to wake him up even though they were fighting, even if the way he had done it was rough and cold. But he always came. Not right now, not this time, and Jaehyun could almost hear the sound of his heart shattering at the thought.

He gets up sluggishly from his bed, rubbing his face with frustration and feeling so tired despite the sleep. And when he walked to the kitchen, he knows his parents are looking at him in confusion while choosing to keep their silence. They must be wondering why Taeyong didn't come and why their son looking half death to the world. The morning is so quiet and tense, even with his parents there is no word exchanged, and he wondered of how big Taeyong's presence is in his life.

What really surprised him and caused his heart to jump in elation was when he walked out from his house, he's met with awaiting Taeyong at the gate, who is looking down to the ground but still there for him. His heart flutters in so many mixed feelings, warmth in happiness but also tight in sadness and guilt. Jaehyun hesitate, because although he knew Taeyong is there for him, the tension in their relationship is still very much there like a fresh gaping wound.

It's awkward, so very awkward. They both silent in their stood, one lowering his head and the other fixated on Taeyong's pained figure. Jaehyun was the one who took the first step as he should have since he was the one who caused all this.

"Hi," he greeted when he's standing right in front of Taeyong, heart palpating and throat tight.

Taeyong slowly raising his head, letting his eyes meet with Jaehyun's equally gloomy eyes. He didn't smile at all but Jaehyun knew Taeyong was hoping, expecting and waiting. So Jaehyun brushed the dark brown locks and pull him into a hug by the nape, silently asking for forgiveness and telling the both of them that they're okay. Taeyong rest his cheek on Jaehyun's broad shoulder, relishing the warmth he know so much that is Jaehyun, his best friend. And Jaehyun turning his head to feel the tickle of Taeyong's hair on his lips, inhaling the scent that is Taeyong, someone he can't be without.

Although they're back to each other arms, they both know that their relationship is shifting. Something is changing and they have no clue whether is it a good thing or a bad thing. But for now they will take what they can, grasping at the familiar intimacy which is starting to feel different.

What yesterday hugs able to soothe, today their hearts speak differently.

 

\--

 

"Have a good day."

Jaehyun had just said that to Taeyong that morning when they are going to go to their respective classes and Taeyong had smiled back to him in it's usual brightness. He could feel the way his heart jumped in his chest when Taeyong leap to hug him, arms hooked on his neck and his warm breath brushing Jaehyun's skin. But what had electrocuted him was the soft and slightly wet touch of Taeyong's lips on his neck, it wasn't just a coincidence, Jaehyun was sure it's a kiss.

And before Jaehyun could think or do anything, Taeyong already pulled back and grinning again to him, making him momentarily forgot about the kiss since he's stupefied by how adorable and sweet Taeyong looked. Then he goes with small jumps to his class, now and then turning back to wave at Jaehyun until he couldn't be seen again.

Jaehyun is stunned, rigid in his standing like a statue when realization dawning on him, they never kiss like that. The only times they kissed each other is when there's a special occasion such as birthday or other celebrations. Even so they only kissed on the cheek, maybe a few on the forehead but obviously not on the neck. It's intimate, too intimate for them to do that.

Jaehyun is surprised, of course. But the tingles in his heart and the warmth which bursting under his skin, makes him smile in glee, unstoppable and just keep bubbling up until he's giggling to himself. Happy at the intimacy, happy that the smile he always knew are back on Taeyong's face again, happy because of so many reasons.

Their relationship is changing, their routine might still be there, but there's also something new. Although deep down Jaehyun feel a tinge of fear and uncertainty, the bubbling warm feelings pushed those to the back of his mind. And Jaehyun let it swept him, because this is Taeyong and he loves it. He loves the touches.

But the higher he felt, the deeper he fall. And it was something everyone knows, not only Taeyong or Jaehyun himself know that he's a man with explosive anger, rarely get angry but when it happens, reasons come flying out the window. Then he would let his emotions take hold of him rather than his brain when his temper is being tested. Even when deep down he know that he would regret the things he's going to say moments later, still he couldn't help letting his mouth run in pure anger and hatred.

Even though he had just tasted sweet honey when Taeyong kissed his neck. Only just a moment ago he felt so high in the seventh clouds when looking at grinning Taeyong bouncing on his feet happily. Jaehyun couldn't understand how is it possible for his feelings to burn that fast, to feel dread growing in the pit of his stomach and how he wanted to break something to pieces when he saw Taeyong leaning his head on Yuta full of glee and just so close, _too close_ for his liking.

And he feels betrayed. Jaehyun feels like he's nothing special, he's not that special for Taeyong. Maybe Taeyong did the same to Yuta, maybe he did even more with that guy. His heart burning, destructive and the flame is so hot it burns not only himself but also anyone who come close to him. And that was Taeyong.

Taeyong was clueless when he saw Jaehyun from afar and was bouncing happily on his feet again to Jaehyun, intending to hug his best friend as usual. But he stop short when he saw the look on Jaehyun's face, his eyes slightly wide in either confusion or uneasiness.

"Jaehyun?"

"You look so happy Taeyong," even without me, you can look so happy, Jaehyun seethed.

Taeyong is frowning, searching for something in Jaehyun's eyes, "what do you mean?"

"Did you kiss him?" he spat, blinded by rage that he's going to ruin everything, worse than what he had done before.

And Taeyong's eyes grew even wider, for a moment shock was all over his features, until realization and anger settling in his dark eyes instead. "Is that it? Is that the reason why you've been so strange? The reason why you've been pushing me away?"

What reason? What 'it'? Jaehyun thought yet his face stays hard and cold, judging because his emotions are overwhelming.

To his surprise Taeyong scoffed and averting his gaze as if he's disappointed before looking at him again with a painful smirk, "out of all the people in the world, Jaehyun... I thought you would understand, I thought you will always be there for me. Look at how wrong I was. Do you hate me now? Because I'm like that? You hate me? Me, Jaehyun?"

To say Jaehyun is confused is an understatement. He don't understand at all what Taeyong is saying and gradually his anger is seeping out his skin, finally realizing the deed he has done, the anguish and dejection which twisting Taeyong's beautiful face. And once again, he had caused it. Right in that moment he feels like a murder, guilt and regret mixing like a suicidal poison.

Before he could say anything to mend it, Taeyong spat back, "and to your question, yes, I kissed him, on the mouth. Happy?"

With that he left, Taeyong left without sparing a single glance to Jaehyun, not caring in the slightest bit that his words has cut Jaehyun so deep he feels like dying inside, because he's also hurting. They both bleeding as the distance between them getting wider and echoes of those words ringing persistently in their minds.

And this time Jaehyun is lost more than he ever be, he's not sure if he'll ever be able to mend them back because the destruction he had done is far too unforgiving.

 

\--

 

"Is the fight serious hyung?"

Jaehyun stare back to Chenle, a junior who's part of their circle of friends, the kid is especially fond of Taeyong. It occurred to Jaehyun that he never really mind when Chenle being particularly clingy to Taeyong, in fact they often smothering each other like silly kids, but when the image of Taeyong with Yuta came to mind, he seethed.

"What fight?"

"You and Taeyong hyung," Chenle titling his head to an empty chair beside Jaehyun where Taeyong would usually sit at lunch break. "It's clear as a day, even Mark knew. You're practically attached at the hip, but now suddenly Taeyong hyung often seen with Yuta hyung. Normally you guys fought only for a day or two, but this has been going on for... What? A month?"

"We didn't fight," what a lie, Jaehyun. A fight on top of them growing apart because of something that Jaehyun is feeling and now there's an invisible barrier between them.

Chenle didn't believe it, he rolled his eyes yet didn't comment further as he saw the way Jaehyun is clenching his fist, almost bending the cafetaria spoon.

"You know him?" Suddenly Jaehyun asked when the silence become too much around them.

"Who?"

"Yuta," he thinks he said it nonchalantly, but the ache and burn in his tongue sure telling him something else.

"He's in the same class as Taeyong hyung, a new transfer student," Chenle explains while putting away their food trays.

 _Oh, that explain a lot_ , Jaehyun thought.

"He's quite well known in this school though, almost everybody knows him after a week or so."

Jaehyun furrowing his eyebrows, "why?"

Chenle's frown leveling Jaehyun's in confusion, "you don't know? But Taeyong hyung is close to him?"

"What is it?" he gritted his teeth feeling his patience running thin. It always has whenever a certain someone is involved.

Chenle shifting in his seat, uneasy yet putting up his hands with a somewhat teasing smile. "He's coming out gay."

Jaehyun's jaw fell in shock, "...what?"

"Well, not gay. But he practically told everybody that he's bisexual."

And suddenly all the puzzle pieces fell into places, making the whole big picture clear and Jaehyun finally understand the words Taeyong said, the way he's been acting and why Taeyong grew apart from him.

And suddenly, Jaehyun is forced to come to terms with his feeling. Suddenly, apart from the cracking sounds that is his heart, he missed the warmth of Taeyong's skin on his, the calming weight of his embraces around his neck or waist. And he thought, this time he have no right for all the gentleness and sweetness that is Taeyong.

 

\--

 

Jaehyun understand they need to talk, but Taeyong have been avoiding him like a plague, and he relented to give his 'best friend' a time no matter how his heart urging him to confort the problem. A week, it's enough for Jaehyun to acknowledge that he can't be without Taeyong, that he dearly missed Taeyong like a man in unspeakable thirst, that he finally came to terms with his feeling that all he had been feeling is jealousy and he wishes for something much more deeper than friendship with Taeyong.

They've been together for so long, known each other longer than they first learnt the first word in their lives. Jaehyun realized, no matter what is the outcome it is far more important to have Taeyong in his life rather than wanting his feelings to be reciprocated. And so when the week has passed begrudgingly, Jaehyun took matters in his own hands, ambushing Taeyong at night when he's alone in his room. Thankful since Taeyong's parents practically his other parents to him, he could sneak in without question.

Taeyong laid on his bed, playing with his phone to lul him to sleep when Jaehyun coming in with a serious face and determined. Surprise painted on Taeyong's face for a moment before it gave way to indifference, since he had figured that Jaehyun would come to talk to him, he goes back to playing with his phone.

"Taeyong," Jaehyun called and had to stop to swallow the dry tightness in his throat, "we need to talk."

"What's there to talk about? I know already what you thought of me," he said in a cold tone, eyes never meeting Jaehyun's.

"No, you misunderstood..."

"Misunderstood what? That you hate me because I like guys? That actually you're just a petty homophobic who's hating, me... Someone who's practically your brother?" Taeyong too, trying to be strong, but the little squeak that came out from his mouth when he said 'me' makes Jaehyun sure that he's not the only one hoping to mend their relationship.

"I've never thought of you as my brother."

Taeyong rolled his eyes when he couldn't hide the surging pain anymore, "great to know."

"No, you need to listen to me," Jaehyun step forward hastily, hands raised in urgency.

"For what? For you to hurt me more? I have enough Jaehyun," he raised his voice, eyes finally meeting Jaehyun's and tears brimming uncontrollably.

"I love you!" Jaehyun shouted, surprising himself and Taeyong, but he need to continue, he need to mend this, "okay? It appears I always have... But was too scared to acknowledge it because you're important to me. Because you are a big part in my life and I don't want to ruin it even if it's mean I'm killing my feelings."

Taeyong's eyes are wide, tears already rolling down his cheeks but the expression on his face is unreadable.

"I got jealous... I'm jealous with Yuta because he has your attention and I felt like... I felt like I'm not special to you. I got angry because I've been with you longer than he ever has," Jaehyun sucks in a deep breath, trying to control his trembling voice yet it racking his whole body even more, his tears is begging to be released. "But I love you more than that... So even if you chose Yuta, even if you rather kiss him than me... I need you even if as a friend."

Silence creeping into the room, the tension could be felt burdening their bodies, hearts palpating in so many flooding emotions. No one saying anything, minds running ever so frantically at the words said.

"I need you Taeyong, I'll always need you and I... I'll always love you even if just as a friend... Or brother," Jaehyun added in a low voice, genuine and thick of feelings.

"I thought you hate me..." Taeyong suddenly said, cutting the silence in a snap. "I thought because you found out I'm gay, you... Hate me."

"No, no I'll never able to hate you Taeyong."

"I thought, you hate Yuta because of that... And then you realized that I'm also the same and... You hate me," he hiccups, a start of a cry.

Jaehyun's eyes grew wide, shaking his head quickly that, "no, it's not like that."

"I thought-" Taeyong choked on his tongue due to the overwhelming emotions plaguing him. "I thought you pushed me away because you noticed my feelings..."

His heart hammering his rib cage, painfully fast and deafening his ears as blood rushing through, the silence which filling the room feels more heavy than it was before. Realization settling in, heavy but also liberating. Jaehyun feels like his brain has failed him, or maybe his ears hearing things differently.

"What?" he whispered to himself, asking and hoping.

It was the small yet beautiful and sweet smile of Taeyong which waking him up from his brain dead. And the next words has him feeling like he's dying, he's willing to because he had never felt so, so happy and just... Indescribable.

"I love you too."

A soft laugh jumped out from Jaehyun's lips, but he swallow it in to frown because he can't believe it yet, "no way..."

"Yes you dumb nut, yes... I love you, idiot," Taeyong chuckles drawn out with sobs, crying his heart out as he leap to embrace Jaehyun, burying his face on the taller boy's neck and wetting it with his tears. His fingers digging on Jaehyun's back as if it's his lifeline.

Instinctively Jaehyun hug him back, burying his face on Taeyong's shoulder, dampening the shirt but he couldn't care because Taeyong is in his arms again and he terribly need to pour his feelings and just to cry and cry again. It's racking his tight chest painfully but also happy, so happy it's unexplainable but he wouldn't hope for anything else. This is it, this is what he wants, what he need.

"I can't believe it..." he cries, making Taeyong laugh and cry at the same time.

"We're so stupid..."

Jaehyun is pulling away, to rest his forehead on Taeyong's, letting their eyes meet and wonders at the beauty of it. Feeling slightly uncertain although his heart screaming at the need to claim Taeyong's soft lips, he hesitated but Taeyong, as always, he understand what is it that Jaehyun wants and he was the one who's leaning forward, kissing Jaehyun's lips a bit awkwardly yet that's what they ever wish to. It's kind of weird to kiss each other like that, after all these years they've been nothing more than friends and non blood related brothers. But it feels so right, Jaehyun must be in too deep to be able to taste sweetness on Taeyong's lips, it's the sweetest nectar he ever tasted.

They understand that the transition from friendship to something more is hard especially for them who's been together for far too long. They're also scared about what could happen in the future, if this relationship isn't working then what to do after that.

"Promise me," Taeyong was the one who voiced their insecurities, "even if in the future this isn't working out, promise me you'll still be there for me."

He understand how selfish it sounds, but what they have is more than that, bigger than that and likewise Jaehyun share the same feelings.

"No need to say it, I couldn't live without you either," he answered deep from his heart because they both knew there wouldn't be a life where they're not together no matter if they're lovers, friends or as brothers. And as he said it Jaehyun could feel the way Taeyong smiling on his neck, causing him to grin even wider despite both their faces still wet with tears.

Jaehyun is gritting his teeth, but he thought he should let it go and he's smiling softly despite the disgusted feeling twirling in his chest, "you know what, as much as it pains me to say this, I think we should thank Yuta."

The laughter which follows filling his heart with pleasant warmth, a happiness which Jaehyun would never wish for a life without it.

 

 

 


	3. You and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world is always cruel, but they found each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my stories are intimate with my own person, but this one is the most closest it's written in the burst of my emotions.
> 
> We are all hurting, but it's okay, it doesn't make you weak. As long as you trying to stand up again and face the pain again. We are growing, stronger and better.
> 
> There will come a time when all of it are answered and we found ourselves saying, "so that was it."
> 
> "And here we are, tougher and happier."
> 
> We are all survivors and fighters.
> 
> Never lose hope, never feel alone. You're not, we are all together.
> 
> With love and understanding.

_"Look at me, peace is within yourself."_

 

 

Taeyong always wanted a normal life, a stable income maybe with occasional bonuses, a good and kind lover, fun and understanding friends, that was all. He's blessed with nice and understanding parents, kind and supporting sister, so much that he thought it was only natural. He took it for granted.

  
He was nothing special, just another boy who find himself too shy yet trying to strive and mingles with others with his wits, he wants a place where he feel belonged. He tried to be funny, to be witty with cute and borderline safe pranks. He is funny, that's what he is, but to do it over and over again even when he's not in the mood, tells him that this isn't where he belongs.

  
The more he laughs, the deeper the darkness sinking in. He's fading, he could feel it, he's being a puppet to these people only because he want to find his place, to fit in. Slowly a hollow, void hole growing steadily in his chest and his eyes no longer shining as darkness covering him and build a fortress around him from the outside world. Then it happened, it was too abruptly that Taeyong wasn't even aware of it.

  
It was when he just got into high school, he's known as the funny guy to put it simply, the people who claimed to be friends with him said that he's a _clown guy_. If there was trust, a true friendship, Taeyong wouldn't mind to be called as such, but there was none and it simply feels like a mock. He hates it. But being the way he is, he could only smile and play along despite his heart grow colder and tainted. And he couldn't hold it anymore when he got called by that nickname he hates in front of their new classmates and teacher. It's shameful, it's a butcher to his soul.

  
"Let this clown guy answer the question, teacher!"

  
Taeyong realized, it's abusive, it's twisting his mind in the cruelest way of pretenses. It doesn't feel like mocking, they _are_ mocking.

  
Oh the hatred, Taeyong couldn't hold it in anymore, the dam is broken letting the water broke with the strongest destructive power. The accumulated evil emotions storms out, a burst of icy hatred and murderous rage, the harsh wind spins so fast and hard out of his body, skin turning cold even though his heart burning in anger. The temperature of the room dropped so fast and so low, the winds harsh and cutting into other people's cold skin, leaving bleeding wounds on them like it does to his heart. There are many scream, yells and cries, but they are trapped because the door is stuck due to the ice and they are fearing for their lives.

  
But Taeyong didn't hear it, nothing comes to him, all he sees is a bottomless pit of darkness in front of him. Hatred consumed him and broke him, but more than his hatred for those who hurt him, he hates himself more for letting them to trample over him. He see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing but the gaping darkness and the burn in his chest. He wonders amidst all of that, _why does it hurt so much? Why am I hurting?_

  
"Because you're a human."

  
Taeyong didn't really take notice of the muffled and faraway voice, soul already too deep in his own pool of self hatred. Wanting nothing more than for the world to fall in to ruin, killing everyone, killing him. _Why, why his heart wishes for such destruction? How to be freed from this pain?_

  
"Open your eyes," the low faraway voice is heard again, Taeyong turn his head in the darkness to where the voice is coming from, yet he still see nothing. But he could feel warmth on his twitching fingers, then it calls again this time clearer and nearer, "look at me."

  
It's gentle, it's soothing and holds nothing but concern. _Whose voice is it? How could he sounds so calm, so gentle? Why he said that? What happen to me? What am I doing, where am I?_

  
"Taeyong, look at me," the voice heard so close, to his face, it vibrates with so many emotions. But there's not one ill emotion, none. Taeyong's eyes find light and gradually he can see again, seeing a deep, dark brown pair of eyes staring at him.

Warmth, understanding with no judgement and Taeyong noticed the burn in his chest eases into a stirring warmth, the ice in his heart melts along with the hatred. Since when he let his heart to rot into hatred and froze it to not feel anymore pain?

  
The man is a stranger, he holds Taeyong's cheeks so gently as if he's trying to convey something, but Taeyong can't think. The storm that was in his heart, rendered him weak and for his fortress to crumble apart without any means to hold on to. As the anger is dulling, the tears comes spilling out with no means of stopping. So he cried, letting it all out and didn't even have half a mind that a stranger is cradling his face and wiping his tears.

  
He find himself feeling safe, understood, because he could feel it that the man _sees_ _him_ , his true self and that's all he ever wanted. He cried himself to sleep and the stranger caught his fall, saving him again.

  
When Taeyong comes to, it all felt like a bad dream and the man is nowhere in sight. But it was a bad wake up call, all that happened it was real and he's to carry the consequences of his outburst. Icy wind, his icy storm, left a destruction in his classroom, injured classmates and most of all, their contempt and fear.

  
_'He's not human!'_

  
_'Monster!'_

  
_'Go away! Don't come near me!'_

  
Taeyong's heart grows cold once more. He have no control of it, he didn't even know he have such an inhuman power, he didn't do it deliberately, so why are they looking at him like that? Why they blames him for something he can't help and wasn't even aware of? Why they look at him like he had murdered all their family? What did he do?

  
Why he feels even more abandoned, shunned and not belonged? Is he a freak after all? Is he really the damned? The abomination they all called him? Just because one mistake he have no control of, and they judged him for life without even trying to understand him?

  
So be it.

  
He grows colder and colder, fortress higher, thicker and stronger. He doesn't feel belonging to anywhere, not even at home when his parents behaves differently and tiptoeing around him as if one wrong move he would hurt them, not at school where everyone stare at him with fear and or anger, not anywhere else because it's such a small town where news and rumours travel fast.

  
He can only cry to the sky silently in despair, pressing his wet eyes with the heel of his palms only to cry harder because it's not fair, why the world is so cruel, why does it always trying to beat him down? What evil had he done to deserve this?

  
Suddenly a warm hand covering his crying eyes, wetting the skin with his tears. A soft, mellow scent of lavender hanging in the air as a gentle voice caressing Taeyong's head, "don't think, let yourself go, pour it all out, but don't try to reason with it."

  
Taeyong gasped in surprise feeling his personal space being violated too suddenly, but he knows the voice, he recognized the touch and against his better judgement, his heart chose to let the man be. But he stop his cry, subconsciously putting up his wall of defense again.

  
"Who are you?" Taeyong asked in whisper, afraid that his voice will crack after the amount of crying he did.

  
"I've known you for so long, Taeyong," the man said from behind him in equal whisper, but his words are firm yet gentle to the flutters of Taeyong's hair. "You're always so full of life, so bright and I was always envious of you, you seemed to have all the happiness in the world for your own. But then it changed, I don't remember when but your laughter start to sound hollow and your smile not reaching your eyes, as if you're elsewhere, as if you have shut out the world. And I thought, why you look like that? What pain did you hide?

  
"What was envy turned into something else, a kinship, I realized that you don't always feel happy but trying to _look_ happy. I kept thinking why? Why drive yourself to the corner like that? Why would you hurt yourself?"

  
Taeyong hiccups with another upcoming tears, but he swallows it down so much that it feels like choking him. He can't see anything with the way the hand is covering his eyes, but somehow he could see the expression of the man from the way he speaks, soothing and genuine. He never noticed, never realized that there will be someone who would see him, truly. Was he too deep in his own pain to see what's around him? To notice that there's someone watching him not to judge but to understand?

  
"I grew to care for you, I want to be by your side, to tell you that it's okay, you don't have to force yourself to be okay. It's okay to be hurting, but don't hold it in, don't let yourself drown in it. Then I want to make you smile, to laugh from your heart just because you feel like it."

  
Taeyong start sobs loudly, chest racking from the overwhelming feeling, lips trembling from the suppressed cry. His hands catch the other man's hand over his eyes, to hold it tighter to hide his tears but also the need to ground himself. There's this throbbing ache in his chest at every shuddering breath he took.

  
"I want to be the place you can trust to lay down your armor, to cry on, to share the pain and tell you, I'll be here, always," the man whispered and leave a soft kiss on the back of Taeyong's head.

  
Taeyong cries harder, gripping at the hand harder and drenching it with his tears, his pain, his fear. He have nothing else, the man so effortlessly peels off every bit of his layers and impenetrable fortress. For the first time he let himself bare and the core which is his true self peeking at the surface of the dark liquid in his chest. Can he learn trust again?

  
The man pulling Taeyong's head to rest on his chest as he cries, not saying anything and silently stays, and it means a lot. So much more. And when Taeyong's cry slowing down, the man began speaking again with his soft and gentle voice.

  
"I've been shunned and feared by people, they stay away from me as if I would hurt them the minute they look at me. I'm passionate as I'm fierce, when I'm angry it's all explosive and I can't stop it most of the times. One day it all went wrong and I burn everything, anything that was around me."

  
Taeyong tighten his grip when he feels the hand on his eyes slightly shook, he could feel the same pain, he understand. They're judged for one mistake, unfairly. 

  
"I'm afraid of myself, envious of your happy self surrounded by many people until I found the ghost of your pain. I know I was trying to make myself the most miserable by blaming people, blaming myself and hating everyone and everything. But seeing you, I know I was wrong. And you smiled at me, as if you're not afraid of me, I know you must not remember it, but I do. It was such a simple, fleeting thing, yet you... You saved me from my own demons."

  
The dull ache persist in Taeyong's chest, even more so from the apparent tremble and pain of the man's voice and touch. Taeyong take away the hand which is covering his eyes, wet from his tears and trembling by the man's pain. Slowly he turns around, to look at the man in his eyes and his heart breaks at how anguished he looks. So much tears are spilled today, their hearts are crying for answer.

  
Taeyong couldn't stop his own cry to start anew again, he bring his hands to catch the man's cheeks, tears and pain, just like how he had done to him. _A bond_ , at that time of pain they share a bond. Taeyong bring their foreheads together, closing his eyes to share the pain, to let it go, to forgive.

 

"I never listen to rumours," Taeyong whispered, calming his heart with the warmth which enveloping him from how much this man care for him and how his heart also grow to care for the said man. It's strange, they don't even know each other, but it's true in the way their pain feels similar in their thrumming hearts. "Even if I did, I wouldn't be afraid of you without trying to see past you."

  
The man grab on Taeyong's hands, pressing it tighter to his face, the pour of feelings, so intimate, so liberating. "I know, I figured it out."

  
"I'm sorry," Taeyong cries softly, "I'm sorry that the world is so cruel to you."

  
The man let go of Taeyong's hands to bring it to Taeyong's face, brushing tenderly at his dark strands, "I'm sorry too."

  
They share a moment, an understanding, strength and learning for forgiveness. Hatred will only fuel the darkness within them, hating themselves and everyone else, finding faults in everything. So they will learn to forgive, it's healing, it's liberating and it's soothing.

  
It will take time, but they're sure they will come to that point if they have each other. They're no longer alone. Let the people judge, let people cursed at them, they know best the truth, nobody can ruin it. When they share a look, Taeyong found himself smiling genuinely, not yet happy, but he's free, he's relieved. So did the man as he mirrors the smile.

  
"You haven't tell me your name."

  
"I'm Jaehyun."

 

They share their first laugh for the many to come.

 

 


	4. The Abductor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeyong never fall in love again, trust broken with no means of healing.
> 
> But when he start dreaming strange dreams and come to know the mysterious, intriguing man, maybe he have no control over his heart again.
> 
> Who and which are lies? Taeyong could only closes his eyes for another dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's any offending words which I used in this story, just know it's not intended.
> 
> I wrote this based on how people reacts to mental illness and yes, I've been the receiving end too. So before anyone accused me of belittling people with mental disorders, I don't, as some of you who followed me on twitter know that I'm also battling with mental disorder.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, there's implied mpreg here.

When did it start? He didn't really know. All he know was he had strange dreams every night and woke up slightly tired. It always the same dream, same faces yet differefent occurence. All he did in those dreams was talking, playing and sit around, yet whenever he came to wake, he feels tired like he didn't sleep a wink. And every morning he came to wonder what was the dream about or does it hold any meaning?

 

"What, are you those kind of people who believe in prophecy dreams Taeyong?"

"Shut up," he slapped his friend's back, Chanyeol. "I don't know what to think, isn't it weird to have the same kind of dreams over and over again?"

"Well... How long has it been going on again?"

Taeyong shrugged, "months? A year maybe?"

"That's damn long, wow. What did you dreamt about?" Chanyeol is frowning as he asked.

"Hmm... I was in a room, it was bright with sunlight coming in. There was little kids going around and asked me to play with them, which I did. Every night it just that, in that room and playing with the kids, but what was happening never the same, it's always new like-"

"You're watching a running episode, or like you're living there?" Chanyeol finished.

"Yes, exactly. What, you know something?"

"No, I don't, I'm just guessing. Beside, maybe it's just the condition of your mind."

Taeyong raised one of his eyebrow, slightly offended, "sorry?"

"Look, I don't mean anything bad nor do I'm implying something about your lifestyle. It's just that I've heard somewhere that dreams are often manifestation of someone's mind, their happiness, their wishes, their stress and sort. Maybe, it's just what your subconscious-ness are wishing for. You know, a bright room with sunlight, pretty cozy right? And those children playing with you, yeah... You get it, right?"

"No, I don't get it, so please kindly explain it to me," Taeyong said sarcastically.

Chanyeol sighed, "maybe that room are images of what you want. Warm, comfortable and safe place? A serious and loving relationship? Family, children?"

"Come on, you've been getting on my case lately, why would you care if I only do hook ups?" He rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Hey, I told you I'm not implying anything, I just told you what I think about your dreams. It's not my bussiness if you only fucks around, without me spelling it out you know already I don't like it, so why bother."

"Okay, okay I get it..." Taeyong huffed and turned away when his friend staring at him with solemn eyes.

"I just hope you will finally let it go," Chanyeol said in serious tone.

"I am moving on..."

"By giving up having any serious relationship and only fucking around with your partners? Sure, you moved on."

Taeyong didn't reply with anything, he stood up and walking away, but stopped when Chanyeol talk.

"Hey Taeyong, you know that I love you, right?"

Taeyong turned to face Chanyeol with a mocking smile, "you are really not my type."

"Not in that way, shithead."

"Next time you stop getting on my nerve, I will love you," he said and walks away without looking back again.

"That brat," Chanyeol snorted and shaking his head as he stare at Taeyong's back getting further.

 

  
\--

 

  
The room, the warm room with yellowish light coming in through the tall windows which carved with old artistic vines at the edges. The floor is made of dark, sturdy wood, making the room warmer and look comfy. There is a huge red carpet spread on the center of the room, the pattern is exotic yet also give off an elegant image. On one side of the wall there is a fireplace, quite big and made of white marble, very pretty and elegant. Actually the whole room looks elegant, from the sofas, carpet, flower vases even to the door is elegant. Something like victorian style, maybe?

' _This time I am alone...'_ Taeyong thought and looking around to inspect throughly. He never had the chance because usually there was always kids with him in that room and every single one of them wanted his attention.

He let his fingers slides across the carvings on the flower vases, feeling the cold ceramic on his fingertips. It's so beautiful that he wonders, ' _how much this thing cost? If I broke it would it cost my poor life? But this is just a dream, even if I break the whole room it's okay, right?'_

There was this strange feeling in his heart that seems to whisper for him to push that vase and let it fall to the floor, letting it break into pieces. Maybe because it's just a dream, the thought that he won't have to be responsible for whatever it is that happening in that dream, makes him want to do something that he would never do in real life.

' _Did this vase created by my mind? Did I want a house like this? Somewhere so warm and comfortable?_ ' Taeyong looked up and scaned the whole room with his eyes. ' _No, no matter how great the room is, I'm still alone. I don't want that. I don't like it.'_

He walked to the sofa and sit down, ' _yes, this is a good room and I can live in this kind of house pretty comfortably. But, this kind of, victorian style house? Is not really my style. If so, why would my mind created something like this? Why not my based on my preference? Or is my dream really means something else?'_

"Isn't it pretty cold today?"

Taeyong jumped up to his feet at the sudden deep voice coming from the door behind him. Staring wide eyed at the silhouette by the door, obviously a shadow of a man taller than him, but Taeyong couldn't really see him, the person is dark and a bit blurred. A strange thing considering the room was decently lit up, yet weirdly at that time Taeyong didn't really find it odd.

"No, it's not..." he decided to answer, what can happen in a dream anyway?

"Oh," once again the voice came from the silhouette, a hint of a smile was heard. "I was thinking of lighting up the fireplace if you are."

"Well... Thanks? But I'm fine" Taeyong scratching on his nape out of awkwardness but also nervousness. He didn't know what the silhouette is, did it mean harm or is it just what to chat? He know that he's still dreaming, yet he can't help but to feel tense and slightly scared at the unknown.

A chuckle, "you are alone today."

The word _today_ got Taeyong feeling like he really lives there, with them passing every each day and not just a mere dream. ' _Is this also one of what my mind created?_ '

"The children are playing in the field right now," the blurred figure said and although Taeyong couldn't see the face, he know it was smiling. How creepy is that?

"Ah... I see"

"Do you like it here?"

"Huh?" Taeyong's whole attention got focused on the question.

"Do you like it here, in this place?"

Taeyong was lost for a moment, ' _did my brain asked me whether I like it here or not to myself? Wasn't it suppose to know better than me? Why would he asked me that?'_

"Uh... I guess? It's pretty comfy and cozy."

Yet again Taeyong could feel the ghost of a smile on the figure, "good to hear that."

 

  
He blinked, pushing aside the sleepiness and sitting up, yawning as he feels tired as usual every morning. Then images of the dream came into his head.

"Oh, last night the dream was quite different from the usual."

 

  
\--

 

  
"So?"

"So I'm telling you maybe your theory is not right, I mean, why would my brain created dreams like that? Something that is... Not really me? Victorian style house is not really my character, I prefer something more modern and minimalistic. The fact that my dreams showed something else means that it wasn't created by me, right?"

Chanyeol sighed but continue with his work repairing the car, "and you're suggesting that your dreams are... What?"

"I don't know, a message? Just... Something?" Taeyong shrugged.

"Look, I don't believe in those kinda things. Beside, what does it really matter what the dreams are titled to?"

"I've been having those dreams for so long, of course I feel the need to figure it out!" He said impatiently.

"I guess you have a point..." Chanyeol stop tinkering the car and turned to Taeyong. "What do you want me to say? I don't understand either Taeyong, but I still think it's your mind which creating those dreams. Like, you know, there are people who always feel sick and sort for so long and even believed that they have some illnes, but turned out it's only their minds playing trick with them, mostly caused by pressure and stress."

"Are you telling me that I'm mentally sick?" Taeyong baffled at the rude comment, he totally didn't expect for his friend to say it like that.

"No, I don't mean that, just... Well, you can't deny you need to talk it over with someone else," he quickly added in defense.

"I am talking about it with you," Taeyong almost spat in rising anger.

"Not me, with someone... More professional," Chanyeol said in unsure tone, afraid that it would tick Taeyong more.

"That's it," Taeyong quickly standing up, but lingers long enough to let Chanyeol say something else.

"Taeyong you're my brother, of course I'm worried."

"We're not related by blood," Taeyong said as a matter of fact.

It hurt, really it hurt Chanyeol to hear that. But he knew Taeyong enough to let it slide, "it's been years Taeyong, you need help, I only want to help you."

"But making me feel like a sick person doesn't help me."

"Just because you need help from professional doesn't mean you are sick... And it's not necessarily bad, you know that people are always struggling with something and it doesn't make one less than another." Chanyeol said in his most tender voice.

The look in Taeyong's eyes soften, but still hard enough that Chanyeol know he would walk away any second now.

"I'm still scared, Chanyeol," Taeyong admitted with a soft voice.

"I know, I know Taeyong. That's why-" his words swallowed as Taeyong starting to walk away without looking back.

 

  
\--

 

  
The same dream again. As he was staring blankly at some children drawing messily on papers, he's wondering, don't people usually didn't realize that they're dreaming? But here he are, living in that moment in that room with those children and everything feels so real yet he knew he's still dreaming.

"Taeyong-shi, look! Look what I draw!" One of the kids, a boy is sitting up and raised his paper to show the messy overlapping lines to Taeyong.

He smiled as his heart warmed at the sight, "that's wonderful, is that the field where you were playing at yesterday?"

The boy beamed as Taeyong managed to guess it right, "yes! It was so fun, I wish you were there Taeyong-shi!"

"I wish I can, yesterday I was lonely because you guys weren't here with me," as he said that a quiet boy who's always sitting near him, snuggling to hug him and patted his thigh with his little hands as if trying to comfort. Taeyong chuckled lightly and stroking the boy's head at the sweet gesture.

"Then we have to ask him, maybe he would let you go out playing with us!" He said excitedly.

"He?" Taeyong asked, who is this ' _he_ ' he was talking about?

"Uh-oh," he said and cover his mouth, another kid pulling his arm and make a shushing sound. They then running to the another side of the room, leaving Taeyong in confusion.

He turned to the boy who's still hugging him, finding the big round eys staring at him cutely. "Do you know who did he meant?" He asked to the boy, but only get a shaking head as an answer. Before Taeyong is able to question again, a voice heard directly from behind him.

"Do you like kids?"

He jolted forward before turning around, seeing a man standing behind him wearing a formal suit. Then his brain is quickly catching up that the voice belongs to the blurry silhouette he saw yesterday, but this time the man is not that blurry and dark like a shadow. The edges of his figures is sharper with shape, features of well toned body apparent under the slim fit suit, although Taeyong still couldn't see the face. But strangely he could sense the expression on the shadow like man.

"Yeah, I like them," he answered not too alarmed as he see the boy who's still hugging him is not afraid at all at the shadowy figure. He believe kids are most sensitive towards dangerous people, so seeing the boy totally calm makes him a bit at ease despite the shadow man is looming near him.

He could feel the smile forming on that dark face, it's creepy but Taeyong also feel something akin to curiosity. "That's good to hear. Why do you always sitting on the carpet? There are plenty of chairs and sofas for you to sit on."

The way the shadow man talks sounds elegant, making it more eerie yet strangely enticing. "I feel closer to the kids by sitting on the same level as them," he answered. "The chairs are not enough to contain all of us, so I sit on the floor with them, it's only fair."

Taeyong waits for the man to say something to what he said, but it seems like it's not coming as the man keep mum. He could still feel the lingering smile on the dark face though.

Before his consciousness start fading out, he heard the man said in a low, eerie voice, "perfect."

 

  
"What does he mean by that?" Taeyong mumbled sleepily as he just woke up from slumber, as usual still feeling tired despite the long sleep.

 

  
\--

 

  
The silence was so tense and thick. One refuse to say anything and the other afraid to break the thin ice. Only deep sighs and the clanking of Chanyeol's work can be heard for a long time that afternoon in the garage.

"Sleep well?" Chanyeol finally decided to kill the silence.

"Yeah, I guess," Chanyeol heaved in relief that Taeyong is at least still answering him.

"You look tired..."

"Yeah, I guess," Taeyong repeated.

"How's your... Job?" Chanyeol inwardly cringing at the rare awkwardness between them.

"Fine."

They both fell silent again, in the dead silence Chanyeol is wondering if his heartbeat is audible. "Taeyong I-" he began but cut off as the said man standing up and said,

"I was just showing my face so you won't worry," then he walks away, leaving Chanyeol again to think by himself.

"Brat," he pouted at the retreating figure of Taeyong. He may be the only person that Taeyong let into his heart that close, but that doesn't mean Taeyong is incapable of closing the door on his face. Still he knows that Taeyong seek out his presence, although he acts like that, Taeyong hates to be alone. But as Chanyeol had witnessed, Taeyong is also scared to get too attached towards other people, understandably. He hopes he could help Taeyong sooner or later to deal with his fear.

 

  
\--

 

  
"So, you like to dance?"

Taeyong smiled as his eyes staring hard at the face, every each day passed the shadow man looking more subtle and he could see the face more clearly. His eyes trying so hard to catch the lines and edges so he could make a whole picture of the face, but it's still difficult to do so.

"Yeah, it's just my hobby, I learn dancing by myself so... I'm not so good at it, I think," he said as his fingers twirling the hair of the quiet boy whose head is laying on his lap, he learnt the boy's name is Jaesun.

"So humble, Taeyong?" The man said in a tone of tease and somewhat like a seduction. Taeyong's heart skipped a beat as he saw the soft thin lips turned slightly upward, a rare thing for him to be affected since he swore to never get attracted to another person. Maybe because it's just a dream, he got nothing to lose, so he dares to let his guard down. But seriously, having a crush to a man whose face he couldn't see clearly and furthermore a manifestation of his brain? That's lame even for his standard.

"No, really, I'm not that good."

"I'll be the judge of that," the man said with mysterious implication.

"What?" Taeyong's is brain working harder at the words, "but I don't think you will like it." He assumed as he took in the victorian room and formal attire of the man as a consideration, thinking that with such preference he would like some sort of classic dance like ballet. And Taeyong could only do street dance.

"Why Taeyong, although something may not be my favorite, I could enjoy beauty all the same," the man said with flirt, done so smoothly that Taeyong took it naturally.

' _Does that mean he think of me as a beauty?_ ' Taeyong thought, flattered yet not a single hint of embarrassment since the man said it so smoothly that it didn't feel like a flatter but an actual fact. ' _He's a smooth talker, so smooth it almost got me thinking it would have a catch, a trap.'_

 

  
\--

 

  
"I wonder why something mysterious is very intriguing, shouldn't it make people scared and wary because it could be dangerous?" Taeyong mused as his eyes gazing to the distant.

"Mysterious like what, horror movies?" Chanyeol asked from beneath the car.

Taeyong snorted at the reply, finding it funny, "something like that."

"You know, I did experienced something like that. I was getting a drink in the middle of the night and was too lazy to turn the light on so I was kinda roaming in the dark, then I heard a rattle from the front door. It was scaring the hell out of me and obviously it was safer to ignore it instead of opening the door to check it and let yourself get exposed to the danger it might have. But the pull is too strong to ignore, despite my head telling me to stay away, it's hard to resist the force that was making me open the door."

Taeyong waits a while to process every words and let the meaning sinking in his head, "what was it?"

A soft laugh, "it was a cat."

"And you already thought it was a buglar or a ghost?" He laughed as well.

"A buglar maybe, but I don't believe in ghosts or anything I don't see for a fact."

"Too realistic of a person is unromantic you know."

"I said otherwise," Chanyeol said and rolling out from the underside of the car, sitting up with a smug face to make a point. "My lover think I'm romantic enough."

"Did your lover said it to you or it was only your assumption?" Taeyong grinned to tease him.

Chanyeol hummed through a bitten smile and changed the topic, "so what did you find mysteriously... Intriguing?" He emphasized the last word. "The man of your dreams?"

Taeyong arched an eyebrow, he told Chanyeol all about his dreams after all, "was the pun intended?"

"You can think whatever it is," the grin was so huge Taeyong wondered will it hurt if it last more than a minute.

"Why are you so happy?"

Chanyeol shrugged still with the grin plastered on his face, "I don't know, I'm just happy to hear you took interest in something like that."

"It's just a dream," he deadpanned.

"Created by your brain. I sure hope that means you're opening up to the idea."

"What idea?" Taeyong asked although he fully understand what Chanyeol meant.

"Love. You know I love you right? As my brother."

"This again," Taeyong sighed, leaning his head on his palms.

"Come on, you can't keep running away. You know I'm always there for you, why don't you try to have faith in that? And from there you can try to trust again, letting more people into your heart." His voice was almost pleading that Taeyong didn't have the heart to walk away like he usually did when that certain topic raised.

"You are right, you're always there for me. But knowing that, believing that doesn't make me have control over what I'm feeling, Chanyeol."

"That's why you need to-"

"No, going to a psychologist or psychiatrist only makes me feels vulnerable," Taeyong cut him off. Silence wrapping them as the serious atmosphere filling the garage.

"Then talk to him, the man in your dreams," Chanyeol suddenly said causing Taeyong to look up with confused face.

"What?"

"Well, he's your brain, right? Something created by your brain, so maybe if you talk to him it's like having a self therapy? I mean... You get what I meant, right?"

"Like talking to myself, acknowledging the problem and stop being in denial? That sort of therapy?"

"Yeah, yeah I meant that," he clapped his hands.

Taeyong snorted, "if you say so..."

 

  
\--

 

  
"Why did you keep showing me these dreams?" Taeyong asked the man and his heart got caught in his throat when the amused smile blooming on the handsome face. The man is no longer a mere shadow, he looks so real like a living being now and Taeyong couldn't deny that he's gorgeous, drop dead gorgeous. Well, he's already attractive even before Taeyong could really see the appearance, strange as it may.

"And why would you ask that to me?"

"Well, this is my dream, you're created by my brain, so...  my subconscious-ness maybe? So I suppose you know best what's in the deepest heart of mine," he shrugged.

"Interesting," the man said as elegant and mysterious as he usually is. "Why do you think that is?"

Taeyong shrugged, "I don't know what to think."

The man didn't say anything and keep staring at Taeyong, a look that tells Taeyong to think harder and continue talking.

"A place to call home and a... Family?" Taeyong reluctantly said as his eyes scanning the room and the children playing about.

"Did you not have those, Taeyong?" Taeyong wondered how is it possible for the question to sound like a seduction, low and sensual despite the topic is nowhere near sexy.

"I've lost the right to call any place as my home..." strangely he didn't find it surprising for him to be able to say the truth with no restriction. Is it because this is all but merely a dream? The belief that no matter how truthful and vulnerable he let his guard down, in his own dream he wouldn't be harmed? "And I don't have the strength to trust again."

"Trust, yes. It's something which is hard to give and gain," the man agreed, leaning to the sofa as he's gliding his fingers on his lips suggestively. "Tell me, Taeyong, why did you lost your right to have a place to call home?"

"Shouldn't you know that already? You're me after all," Taeyong softly laughed from sad humor.

"I want you to say it yourself."

"To acknowledge it?" He snorted, "what's the different between _knowing_ it and _saying_ it?"

"By saying it you solidify your admittance, no more denial."

Taeyong didn't answer right away, he let the smooth voice lingers in his mind, luring him more to unlock the memories, let it pass his lips in bare honesty no matter how hard and painful it is.

"My parents pretends that I never exist because I let myself stranded in a world they don't accept, ' _stranded_ ' that was their words," Taeyong said and was mildly surprised that he's able to smile although it was a bitter one. "I'm gay," he added.

The man didn't comment or react with anything, the assuring smile lingers which makes Taeyong continue talking. "And my ex whom I thought as ' _the one_ ', left me exactly when everything was falling apart. He didn't want the pressure, the responsibility and left just like that with no consideration about me."

"He's a bastard."

Taeyong was mildly shocked and his eyes widened, the man was always so polite and elegant, so it's surprising to hear him said bad word. Then he laughed, "my sentiment exactly!"

"He doesn't deserve you," the man continued and sliding closer to where Taeyong is sitting, trailing one of his smooth finger on Taeyong's cheek, gentle yet with underlying intentions, "you deserve so much better."

His heart is leaping at the gesture and the intense stare from the man, a bit taken back of how attracted he is at the strong pull coming from the man. It took him less than a minute to lean forward and closing his eyes right at that moment when their lips met. Basking at the touch and the emotions rising within him, and savor the moment no matter how strange it was.

"Call my name, Taeyong," the man said as they pulled apart, still close enough to feel the breath of the other's caressing his lips.

"What is it?" He muttered lowly still too caught up with his emotions.

"Jaehyun."

 

  
\--

 

  
His thoughts is running wildly in his head, confused and going a bit insane although also elated as the ghost of those thin lips warmth lingers on his.

"What's wrong with his name?" Chanyeol asked cutting his train of thoughts.

"Why Jaehyun? I have no connection that name, never. That's strange."

"So?"

"So?" Taeyong repeated a bit impatient, "if he's supposed to be my subconscious-ness, shouldn't he be something that related to my life? What I have experienced and the people I've met? Dreams are jumbled memories after all, right? But he didn't come from any part of my life, my memories or experience. The more I talked to him, the more it feels like he is his own person, not me, not myself." Not to mention the strange pull of attraction which he felt so strongly towards the man, the man who supposedly to be his ownself, his deeper innerself. Isn't that strange? Does that mean he's falling in love with himself? Great, now he's a narcisst, a big one at that.

"Well... I don't know," Chanyeol shrugged which ticked Taeyong even more. "Maybe you feels that way because you've been dreaming those dreams for so long, so that you lost touch of what's real or not?"

"Now you make a schizophrenia out of me," Taeyong opened his arms in a mock salute.

"No, I didn't!" Chanyeol quickly defended, "schizophrenia is something else, right? I don't mean that, maybe you're just confused."

"The dream itself already strange. I mean, if you're dreaming usually you don't know you're dreaming right? And things just happen without you have control over it and only know it's a dream only after you wake up. But I do know it's a dream or at least I'm not in the real world but in another realm. And I have control over what I want to do and I can have thoughts there, like, like I'm really living there, like right now I'm sitting here in your garage watching you do your job and shitting me!" Taeyong explained and exclaiming a bit out of frustration.

"Now you said it's another realm?" Chanyeol sighed and shaking his head, offending Taeyong further.

"You don't know what I felt."

He sighed again, "okay, consider that it really is not just a mere dream, so? Knowing that would help you in... What?"

Taeyong frowned, confused as he was asked that. Chanyeol had a point, so what? It didn't change the fact that he couldn't do anything about it. "At least it could help me understand thing better..."

Chanyeol snorted, "understand what? You don't even know the answer to that."

"You're annoying."

"Hey, Taeyong," he called when he saw the said man walking away but didn't bother calling again because he knows he won't stop anyway.

 

  
\--

 

  
"Are you close to him?" Jaehyun asked with his usual soft seductive voice.

"Like a brother, he can annoy me so much yet I would still come back to him and vice versa," he smiled at the pleasant warmth of endearment which filling him at the thought of Chanyeol.

"How did you first know him?"

This was another thing that makes Taeyong even more sure than Jaehyun is not his subconscious-ness, because he would ask things which shows he don't know much about him. If Jaehyun really is his subconscious-ness, he should know already all about him, but he don't. That means something else, and he prefer it that way. That he really is capable of loving someone, something that is not himself. Although he's not so sure if he really want to know what Jaehyun is.

"He's my childhood friend, he know more about me than my own parents did. When my parents disowned me, he was the one who took me in and his parents welcomed me like their own, I'm really grateful to them," Taeyong explained as his eyes not focusing to anything but the memories floating in his mind.

"And you're most attached to him," Jaehyun said more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah, strangely I only feel the closest to him, although his parents are also nice and truly like parents more than my own..."

"Would he be that someone who will be holding you back when you have the chance to live another life?"

Taeyong is blinking in mild surprise, noting that Jaehyun's voice sounded serious all of a sudden. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said."

He was a bit lost at the question, it was unexpected as he never thought of going anywhere far from Chanyeol, they've been together for so long that it's hard to imagine separation. And he's wondering what's the real intention of that question, was it just a curious one? But by the tone of how Jaehyun said it, Taeyong could only think there is something hidden behind it.

He decided to answer though, "I would feel reluctant, that's for sure. But if this ' _other life_ ' hold a chance for me to start over or be better, maybe I would take it."

"Maybe," Jaehyun repeated in a whisper, a smile on his lips but he's eyes are hollow, as if lost in thoughts.

"Why did you asked that?"

"Do you love me, Taeyong?" He suddenly asked, ignoring Taeyong's question.

He didn't answer right away as he got surprised once again, beside the fact that he don't really know the answer to that. Yes, he feels very attracted to Jaehyun and yes, he like him so much. But is it really love? And he also have to take consideration about what Jaehyun is, there's no saying that he's not dangerous. Deep down he's also afraid to get too attached to the man, unknowingly makes him an insane man if Jaehyun really is just a manifestation of his mind. Is he living in his own head right now?

Before he get the chance to answer, Jaehyun is leaning in and kissing him, a bit forceful yet also sweet. "Do you, Taeyong?" He asked again with his sweet tone yet pressuring, as if impatient, as if the man really needed his confirmation.

Taeyong can't answer, but the thundering of his heart at the intense stare and dominance which hovering him almost pushing the word ' _yes_ ' to leave the tips of his tongue. So attractive, so arousing, stirring so much more emotions inside him, Jaehyun did. Then as his brain starting to melt into the kisses of all tongues and teeth, Jaehyun then standing up and left him breathless and sprawled on the sofa.

"Let's go out shall we? It's a nice summer day going to be wasted if we stay inside," Jaehyun said and reaching out his hand for Taeyong to take.

He took it almost reflectively and brought to stand up in no time. They're leading outside the door and for summer breeze tickling his skin in naught and awe. Taeyong is at lost of words when rows of trees and green leaves waving so prettily at him outside the house, bright warm sunlight filling the scenery even more beautiful and most of all, so real like he's not at all dreaming. He could feel the ground beneath his feet and moves his toes to realized further that this is not a mere dream.

"Do you want to play with them?" Jaehyun asked and Taeyong is gathering his focus on him and the direction he was pointing. A vast field with fresh green grass and children running about with giggles and laughter filling the air.

"No," he answered feeling since he's feeling too overwhelmed by all his senses and chose to rather stay beside Jaehyun. And he was brought to more surprise when a group of men walking around the area too, sometimes took glances at them and bowed in greeting towards Jaehyun, yet seems too afraid to spare a glance to Taeyong. All of it feels like he is in a real world, with people, sun and all there is. Can a dream so detailed like this? Can a dreams feels so real that he could even feel the sand between his toes?

"We are all family here, we stay close to each other and protect one another," Jaehyun explained as he tugged on their interlaced hands and strolling around.

At the sensation of the world which feels so real and wonderful, Taeyong found his heart falling even deeper because Jaehyun feels like a real person, like a man of his own and not something Taeyong's brain created. So strong was the pull and as he wrapped his arms around Jaehyun's waist, the word rolled out from his tongue.

"Yes."

_I love you._

 

  
\--

 

  
"No more talking about your dream?"

"No use making me more neurosis in front of you," Taeyong replied easily with light tone.

"Hey, I never did take you as such, okay? I just want to help," Chanyeol scowled.

"Just tell me what do you want Chanyeol, I have no time to spare today," he rolled his eyes, impatient.

"Taeyong, seriously," Chanyeol said in a coaxing tone.

" _Chanyeol, seriously,_ " Taeyong mimicked, "come on, we've passed that age of awkward fighting, I'm not mad at you. I just don't have time today, really."

"What, you got a huge project?" He asked, arching his eyebrow.

"No, I want to sleep, I'm tired."

"Tired? What were you doing? Now you said it, you do look pale, are you okay?" Chanyeol asked and reaching out to touch Taeyong's face, which only got slapped away.

"I'm fine, just tell me what do you want," Taeyong said curtly.

Chanyeol was a bit shocked and hurt at the rejection, but the strangest thing was it feels like it's not the Taeyong he knew who's standing in front of him. Taeyong could be so cold and sharp tongued, but never was he is being like this, it feels like he's facing a stranger rather than the Lee Taeyong whom he knew from childhood.

"Tae-"

"I'm just tired, okay? It's making me super irritated so just get straight to the problem and spare me from all your useless advice," Taeyong cut him off and he did look very irritated and agitated. Almost like a person with drugs withdrawal.

Chanyeol is worried, very worried seeing Taeyong like this. He was already worried enough when Taeyong starting to become more anti-social, seldom talking and often seen dazing out like he's not really there. And what was Taeyong's every morning visit to his garage, because the guy hates being alone, now he would only visit him if he asked him to. Whenever he tried to call him, it took quite long before finally got answered because apparently Taeyong was always sleeping. Now that he see him like this, agitated and pale, eyes avoiding contact with his, Chanyeol didn't have to ask to know if he's okay. He is not. But he chose not to irritate Taeyong even more so he keep his questions to himself. If irritating Taeyong could lead to the man cutting off their meeting times, then he need to be careful about what he's supposed to do and say.

"You remember Minhyung right? He'll stay at your place next week, so clean up your place, which I believe you always did like the clean freak you are. I hope you don't forget," Chanyeol opted to say what he need to rather than asking more about Taeyong's condition.

"Minhyung? Your cousin who's about seven years younger than us? Why my place?" Taeyong asked in confusion.

"What? You forgot? We've talked about this before, he got into high school of his choice here, so he will be staying with us in Seoul. But my house is too crowded for another one, so we agreed already that he will stay with you," he explained a bit frustrated and worried.

"I see," Taeyong said and make Changsung uneasy even more since the man is rarely forget about things. "Okay, he can move in next week."

"Are you sure? Is that okay with you, Taeyong?"

"Yeah, it's already decided right? It's okay," he shrugged and shoving his hands to his pockets still seemingly impatient.

"Are _you_ okay, Taeyong?"

Just so he could wrap it up faster, Taeyong smiled, irritation so apparent on his face. "Absolutely."

 

  
\--

 

  
"Is it okay to sleep here? I can just sleep in the living room or on the couch," Minhyung asked as he laid the rather thick matress on the floor beside Taeyong's bed.

"And you're going to sleep like that for three years? You will ruin your back like that, I'll buy you a bed later. As long as you don't snore or disturb my sleeping, I'm okay with anything."

Minhyung chukled as they both get ready to sleep.

"What?" Taeyong asked.

"Ah no, I just got reminded that you don't like being alone hyung," Minhyung grinned and settle his head on the pillow.

"Fyi, I was being considerate not because I don't wanna be alone. I've been living alone here for years, just so you know," Taeyong grumbled then turning his body so his back is facing the young man.

"Okay," Minhyung sang not buying it.

Soon, as they're both tired from the moving, sleep came to them. And Taeyong as always, went to the dream where everything doesn't feel like a mere dream anymore.

 

  
Taeyong found himself relaxed and smiled calmly as he's sitting on the couch which now he knows of every details of the golden embroidery. Watching the kids loitering, laughing, playing and some are sleeping on the other couch. He never think much of the now daily scenery, he found it calming and he loves kids. Yet strangely he found out the oddity of the children only recently, they are all boys. Furthermore the people he met outside that house was also only men, no women ever seen.

A sound of the door being opened and Taeyong turned his head to look, sure enough Jaehyun is coming in with a smile on his face. Quickly the children are grouping then walking out of the room wordlessly, leaving the two grown men alone.

"Good morning my love," Jaehyun said as he kissed Taeyong as a greeting, feeling the soft lips twisting upward against his. "So good to see you in a good mood."

"I'm always in a good mood whenever I see you. It's just that... It's funny to hear you say good morning when only a moment ago I was sleeping at night," Taeyong chuckled a little then keep kissing the thin lips, sometimes licking in naught.

"Well, it's morning here," Jaehyun shrugged and his lips turn into something almost like a smirk, "and is that you saying that I always make you happy?"

"Oh yes," Taeyong whispered sultry, fingers knotting around the tie on Jaehyun's collar and tugging it down, kissing the chin up to the lips then to the ear, "I always missed you, hmm."

He chuckled again when he felt the goosebump running on Jaehyun's nape, moving his hands lower and lower, catching the bulge and their desire firmly.

"Seems like today is another couch day," Jaehyun said suggestively and bite on Taeyong's lower lip, staring sensually to the dark brown irises similar to his own.

"I don't mind having a carpet burn on my skin today," Taeyong challenged causing a dark glint in Jaehyun's eyes.

There was no time to get rid of their clothes, their desires burning so much to even have simple talks and urging them to mark each other, dominate one another and kisses the burning skin to find release and soothing it with love.

Taeyong smiled and kissing the arm around his neck, feeling satisfied and relaxing further to the warmth coming from the firm bare chest behind him.

"Which do you like more, cuddle or sex?" Jaehyun asked his usual quizzes for Taeyong.

"I love both if it's with you," Taeyong answered truthfully and sighed silently in contentment.

"If it's with me? Did you do something else with other people?" Jaehyun bite Taeyong's earlobe, quite hard it sting a bit.

"Silly, of course not," he laughed, rounding his arm and slapped Jaehyun's butt as a payback.

Jaehyun hummed and nuzzling his face closer to Taeyong's nape, savoring the warmth and the scent of his lover.

"Jaehyun," Taeyong called, a hint of uncertainty and curiosity within his tone, replied by a hum by Jaehyun. "Is there no women here?" He asked, still unsure of where is _this_ , because Jaehyun never answer him clearly.

"There are women here, but they're not to be seen by other people, not just women but everyone's partners are to stay hidden and can only to be seen by their partner."

"Partner..." Taeyong mumbled, "is that why those men never greet me? Whenever you let me out of this room, they never spare me a glance as if I don't exist."

"I would kill them if they dare to."

Taeyong shivered at the slight underlying growl and cold tone, his body tensing as a reflex.

Then a giggle, "just kidding," Jaehyun said lightly and placed a kiss on his nape, as if trying to soothe him.

Taeyong didn't say anything, still caught up with the strange tense atmosphere from before. But his curiosity always get the best of him, "why did you let me out then?"

"Because we're not official yet."

_Not official? We're already lovers, what does he mean by official? Marriage?_

"If you say that only partners can be seen by each other and not anyone else, then why are there people walking around outside? Shouldn't they be hidden too?" Taeyong asked again, feeling a bundle of nervousness in the pit of his stomach.

"Only to those not our kin that that rule applied to," Jaehyun explained in voice so sweet, so tender it's almost eerie.

"Your kin?"

He could feel the growing smile on the skin of his back before he came to wake and his question never answered.

 

  
\--

 

  
"I don't know if I should say this..."

"What is it, Minhyung?" Chanyeol asked with mild worry spreading on his face.

"It's about Taeyong hyung."

In an instant Chanyeol was alerted, many scenarios running in his head and his legs reflexively wanted to leap to search for the said man. But his head remained sane and keep himself from crumbling due to worry.

"It's been a couple of months and he keep doing it so I'm worried... But I don't know how will this sound to you," Minhyung bite his lower lip, uncertain.

"Just say it," Chanyeol almost yell, feeling impatient but managed to keep his voice normal yet the restrained tone noticed by Minhyung, and the younger knew the problem is bigger than he had thought.

"He keep going missing every night," Minhyung said and quickly added when he saw Chanyeol seems to flinch, "I think he have been missing every night since I first moved in... At first I think nothing of it, guessing maybe he went to the toilet or something. But it keeps repeating every night that I grew curious, then I found out he's not athome. He's really gone."

Chanyeol's mind is running at it's fastest speed at the information, thinking and thinking where could Taeyong had gone to? Why sneaking around like that? All he know that Taeyong had stopped doing one night stands, so where? Is that why he always appear so tired? So skittish? Is he doing drugs somewhere every night?

"And..." Minhyung continued bringing all his attention back on him again, "his bed always warm..."

"...what?"

"I don't know, it's weird isn't it? But his bed never turn cold even though no one is sleeping on it. A-and actually, it seems as if someone is laying there, but no matter how I palpated it, there's nothing," Minhyung said a bit panicky and confused like he's in denial of being insane.

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know! I don't want to say it either but I can't help but find it weird! And I'm a light sleeper, so if he went somewhere I would be woken up, but I didn't, he just gone."

"Are you trying to say that Taeyong is actually sleeping there but his body can't be seen nor touched by you?" As he said the words, Chanyeol's mind got reminded of the few months before Taeyong and him grew apart. _The strange dreams._

"I don't know..." Minhyung whined, "you have to see it yourself."

"Alright, I will go with you tonight," Chanyeol quickly doing his job, finishing it earlier so he could see Taeyong.

"You really don't know anything Hyung? He didn't tell you anything?"

His eyes turned sorrowful, "no, he barely ever talk nor answer my calls anymore..."

 

  
\--

 

  
"Oh, it's been a while, Chanyeol," Taeyong greeted the man when both Minhyung and Chanyeol came in. "Why are you here?"

It hurt Chanyeol to be said that, it's been so long since they meet properly and it hurt even more because they won't miss a day without seeing the other before all this happened. Even Minhyung knew there is something extremely wrong when his two brothers being that distant, as long as he could remember his Chanyeol hyung and Taeyong hyung is always together and hard to be separated, made worse because Taeyong doesn't want to be alone. Now they are both feeling like seeing a shell of Taeyong with a stranger inside it.

What could have gone wrong? Is it really the dreams or is Taeyong really losing it? Or is he doing drugs to chase away those dreams and his turmoils about his parents and his failed relationship?

"I want to stay over," Chanyeol said effectively.

"Huh? Why?" Taeyong frowned, looking to Minhyung then to Chanyeol and back again.

"I just want to, what? I can't no longer be near you again?" He said almost in venom and anger, causing Taeyong to frown deeper.

"I never say that, why so sensitive? But you will have to sleep on the couch, there is no more matress."

"That's okay with me," he said and quickly walked to the living room, willing his anger to cool down. He know he need to help Taeyong, but he still feel angry toward him for treating him like nobody.

That night the tension around them was intense, yet ironically only be felt by Chanyeol and Minhyung as Taeyong is oblivious about anything else and only appeared to be in a good mood when he went to sleep.

 

  
"He's a nice guy, he's worried about you," Jaehyun said with a chuckle, caressing the smooth cheek of Taeyong with the back of his palm.

"Oh, was he? But why, I'm doing fine?"

"You barely make any time for him anymore, of course he is. I feel flattered though since you spent all your time with me," he smiled enchantingly.

"I feel bad now... I didn't know he was that worried. He never contact me, well I lost my phone but he could have come to see me... I thought he don't care about me anymore and I have you, so..." Taeyong mumbled to himself, feeling sorry and regret filling his heart at the thought of his best friend and brother, Chanyeol.

"You are with me Taeyong, don't think about other men," Jaehyun said with a smile but the slight warning tone was also in it.

Taeyong didn't saying anything about Chanyeol anymore and shifting closer to Jaehyun, wrapping his arms around him, causing a satisfied smile on the thin lips.

Time flew by and they savors it by embracing each other. When the time getting near to the usual time of Taeyong waking up, Jaehyun asked, "do you know wasp, Taeyong?"

Taeyong scrunched his nose, "I hate all insects."

Jaehyun laughed softly, "then you don't know how they lay their eggs."

"How?" He didn't actually care but he decides to humor Jaehyun a bit seeing it's about time for him to wake up.

"They lay their eggs in other insects such as caterpillar and spiders to be their offerings' nutritional source. Their eggs then would hatched and the larvaes would eat up their host."

"Ew, that's disgusting," Taeyong jutted out his tongue in digust.

"Is it? Say, what if there's a creature which breed like that but the offspring didn't kill the host, would it still be disgusting?"

Taeyong frowned, thinking, "isn't that similar to surrogate mother then? As long as the one get to choose whether they want to conceive or not, I guess I'm probably okay with it."

"Taeyong, you asked me before why all of my kin are males, the answer is because we're unable to have female offsprings, they would always be males," Jaehyun suddenly said and Taeyong find no connection to what they were talking about. At least at that time he don't.

"Then... If there is no female how did your kin breed?"

Jaehyun smiled, that mysterious smile and glinting eyes, "we only need human regardless the gender."

 

That night was the last time Chanyeol and Minhyung ever see Taeyong again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? :D


	5. The Abductor: After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The creature showed him dreams then crushed it with the sweetest lie and pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied mpreg

_Broken family, painful failed relationship, twisted enticing personality and deceived love. Hating but also unable to stop loving the creature. The creature showed him dreams then crushed it with the sweetest lie and pain._

 

  
"Let out your voice Taeyong, let me hear it," the seductive, enchanting voice said almost like an order, licking his earlobe bringing a shiver out of him.

Taeyong closed his eyes, turning away as the least he could do to deny the man, because in the end he still desire him. Biting his lip to restrain his voice and moans as the creature racking him more and more in unimaginable pleasure. His skin burning from desire and lust, hot and sticky damping the sheets beneath his burning skin even more. He's close to coming undone, not wanting to be seen he tries to turn his body and let his back be the sole thing facing the man above him. But the strong arms which caging him denied him, pinning him harder to the bed and a palm grabbing his jaw to keep his face in place.

He screamed voicelessly as teeth sinking in his shoulder as a mean to force a voice out of him, a slight feeling of pride rose within him as he's able to deny the satisfaction of letting the man hear his voice. A silent protest and anger since being unjustified. He was allowed to turn his body away when they finished, panting slightly from the vigorous activity. Letting his silent back be the only thing for Jaehyun to cuddle after sex.

"Will you keep being like this forever, Taeyong?" Jaehyun asked as he embrace him tightly from behind, placing sweet kisses on his shoulder where he had sunk his teeth.

Taeyong never planned to answer him nor talk, he refused to voice out anything.

"Will you hide your voice from me from now on?" He asked again in every chances he can. As Jaehyun knew the man wouldn't say anything, he added, "tell me Taeyong, what do you want?"

And as always the only time he let his voice out was to say, "I want to see go home, I want to see Chanyeol."

 

  
\--

 

  
"Do you think the police still doing their work?" The boy asked before taking a sip of his cappucino.

The man didn't answer immediately, letting images running in his head before saying, "I don't think the police will ever find Taeyong."

Minhyung bit his lower lip, "it's been almost half a year... And the way he went missing was..."

"I've been having weird dreams and..." Chanyeol sighed as he pushed his hair back in frustration, not really listening to what Minhyung was saying, "it's making me feel insane."

"What dreams?"

"Taeyong... He's crying," he rubbed his face with both hands, "everytime I dreamt about him he's always crying but never say anything to me."

Silence fell on them, Minhyung not knowing what to say and Chanyeol lost in his confusion and frustration.

"Maybe it's only because I'm worried about him, but..." he trailed off.

"You think those dreams have a connection with his missing?" Minhyung finished his line.

"Crazy right? I don't believe in those kind of things but now, I don't know what to think."

 

  
\--

 

  
Come afternoon the house is always empty. The living room where before kids always playing and chattering with him is now always empty and those kids never seen again. Jaehyun is always gone at those time too, seemingly doing work or something outside where Taeyong is forbidden to step his feet on, not like he care about it anymore. He's trapped inside that house.

But sometimes he meet the quiet boy who likes to cuddle and hug him, the only person he saw beside Jaehyun in that house. Just like that day when he saw the boy playing with a bowl of fruits in the huge kitchen of the house.

"Hi, Jaesun... What are you doing?" He greeted the boy sweetly who returned him a smile then went playing with the bowl again. "It's just you and me again today, huh?"

The boy keep playing but rested half of his upper body on Taeyong's arm when he came to sit beside him.

"Do you know where Jaehyun is?"

"Work," he answered as usually.

Taeyong stroked the boy's hair gently, the question which always floating in his mind whenever he saw the boy came again, wondering if now is the time to ask. "What is your... Connection to Jaehyun?"

The boy turned to face him, a slight confusion on his face over his words.

"What is... What is Jaehyun to you?" He tried again in what he hoped an easier words for the boy to understand his question.

"He's my daddy," the boy beamed with a grin before letting his nimble little fingers play with the blueberries in the bowl.

Out of the remaining love Taeyong still have for the man, his heart aching knowing that before him there was someone else in his role. A tear rolling down his cold cheek which he hastily wiped off in the little pride he has left and forced a smile when the boy stare at him with worry shinning in his dark brown orbs.

"My most beloved together, what a wondeful sight," the voice heard from behind them causing Taeyong to jolt in surprise.

A warm hand caressing his back then encasing the both of them in an embrace, lips kissed his cheek tenderly as if love was conveyed, but Taeyong shrugged off the thought as he did the same to the arm around his shoulder.

Jaehyun then sighed in resignment and hold up the boy in his arms as he's faced with the ever silent back of Taeyong.

"Any request for dinner?"

"Meatloaf!" The boy said excitedly and giggled when his father kissed his cheek. Taeyong remained silent and walked out from the kitchen without sparing a glance to the pair of father and son, with every each step he took his heart breaking more.

 

  
\--

 

  
"Taeyong," the deep voice called ever so sweetly yet for Taeyong only bringing more pain to his trapped soul. "If it will make you talk to me, I will answer to every questions you have."

Taeyong was tempted to voice out his thoughts as always, but he remained stubbornly silent out of anger and pride.

Jaehyun slide in to the bed, circling his arms around Taeyong to kiss the shoulder, ear and his cheek tenderly as if coaxing him.

"Let go," Taeyong muttered knowing he would lost it again and give in to the warm touches.

"What?" Jaehyun was surprised to finally hear him say something that he didn't catch the words.

"I said let go!" Taeyong lashed out, jumped out the bed and glared menacingly to the other man on the bed.

"Taeyong..." Jaehyun cautiously getting out from the bed, standing in a comforting distance from Taeyong. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Yeah right, I'm hurting already. And for what? Just so you can put your child in me? Let it grow inside me and suck off my life and eats me?" Taeyong shouted in disgust, anger and despair. "Where is your other victim, huh? The one who bore Jaesun, did it kill them?"

"Taeyong," Jaehyun said still in a calm voice yet hinted with warning tone. "We never kill anyone."

"We? ...We?" Taeyong laughed in mock and disbelief as tears rolling out from his eyes, "you rape them together? You breed out of them in a group? You sick monsters," he hissed.

"We only have one partner for each one person, Taeyong. We are not savages," Jaehyun was almost baring his teeth in dominance, chest rumbling with low growls, but still have enough control to tone it down, clenching his fists.

"Then where is he? Or she? Where is the one who bore Jaesun?" Taeyong exclaimed much in fear and desperation. He gasped and tried to run away when Jaehyun dashing towards him, catching his arms and yanking him to the bed, pinning him down with his strong arms while Taeyong keep kicking his legs to escape.

"Let go of me! Let go! Fuck off!" He screamed and screamed, drowning Jaehyun's words until a mouth silenced it with a fierce kiss. But Taeyong was more of a distressed animal at that time, biting whatever it was on his lips, tasting a sting of blood on his tongue as he's able to make Jaehyun pull away.

"Taeyong," Jaehyun's voice was so low, stiff and restrained with anger, causing a tremble to Taeyong's body, there's a small drop of blood at the corner of his lips. His eyes was so dark, a dangerous glint pinning Taeyong more effectively than his strong arms, so strong was the fear Taeyong could feel his body becoming rigid and unable to move. From between his gritted teeth, Jaehyun answered, "she's still alive and well, if you must know. The one who helped me to nurture Jaesun was returned to her life as we always did."

Taeyong is frowning in disagreement although he's keeping his silence since Jaehyun's eyes give him no permission to say another word.

"We never do anything without consent, Taeyong. We asked them nicely if they, humans, want to help us or not through dreams. If they don't, then we will erased their memories about our kin, if they are willing to, then we moved them here for a period of time until we can returned them to the real world," he slowly explained, for the first part was said still in restrained anger but then slowly it's dissipating and he only want Taeyong to know the truth.

He snorted both from disbelief and to disguise the fear under Jaehyun's intense stare, "there is no way anyone would want to help you."

"Oh but there are many of them," Jaehyun said slightly mocking and offended. "You see Taeyong, strangely there are people willing to do it, people with... strange belief. And there are loners, people who thought they've lost everything and those who wanted to run away. Oh there are a lot of them, Taeyong."

His heart throbbing in pain when he heard the underlying words, ' _like you who thought you've lost everything, Taeyong_ '. Against his will, his tears keep running down his cheeks, feeling so hopeless and used. Again, for the second time he chose to believe, to trust, he's being used, _again_. "You tricked me..." he hissed and turning his face away, not wanting his tears to be seen, the least he could do to keep his dignity intact.

"I didn't trick you Taeyong, you're the one who chose me and turning away from Chanyeol, I never did," Jaehyun let go of his grip from one of Taeyong's hand to run his fingers on the wet cheek, "you love me, why don't you trust me?"

"How can I trust you?!" Taeyong shouted, pushing Jaehyun away on the chest with all his might but the man hovering him didn't budge. "You used me! You trapped me here! You- you forced me!"

Jaehyun shaked him and pushed him further to the bed, his voice tight and a bit harsh, "if I did force you Taeyong, I would already took you here from the very first I came to haunt your dream. If I did use you, you would already bear my child right now at this moment. Why do you think it took me almost a year just so you could be with me instead of few weeks which our kin usually did to gather their partner?"

Taeyong bit his lip, stubbornly looking away not willing to think or talk at that moment. He just want to be alone, to sink deeper in his own thoughts and hopelessness than to think right away of what is everything actually meant. But the most he felt was so disappointed of himself to have chosen this path to be together with Jaehyun than embracing the real life with Chanyeol and those people no matter how painful reality is.

"Taeyong..." Jaehyun called, voice turning back to collected and calm, a hint of regret in his tone for losing his temper. "I'm sorry," was the last words said before he step away and leave him alone in the room.

Taeyong crash and cries, harrowing the sheets beneath him with his fingers in all his turmoil. The love he felt towards Jaehyun is hurting his heart, the hatred of being tricked staining his soul. And the trust which he had lost for so many years until he decided to gave it to Jaehyun, is now lost again amidst all the questions he have to ask to himself. Which answer could be the truth?

 

  
\--

 

  
From then on Jaehyun never sleep with him again, never intiated anything more than casual talks and bits of coaxing. He never touch Taeyong more than necessary again, just caresses on his cheeks, little kisses then nothing. Jaehyun let him be in his own thoughts and decisions.

He wanted to hate Jaesun all the same, but the boy was innocent and not at fault in anyway. He can't stop himself from caring and maybe even love him a bit at how lovely and sweet the boy is to him.

"No, that's not how you read it... Do it like this," Taeyong is teaching the boy how to read, slowly with firm and steady pronouncation, smiling when the boy stumble over a certain word.

Jaesun pouted and shaked his head at the frustration of always saying it wrong, but he grinned cutely when he saw Taeyong smiling at him. Taeyong feels his heart ache a bit at the endearing sight, finding it impossible to hate the boy just like he couldn't erase his love towards the father of that boy. He still love Jaehyun, so strong was his feeling he wanted to just give in, but he couldn't let himself do that as his trust was wrongly placed.

"Do you hate daddy, hyung?" The boy asked suddenly, breaking the man's thoughts.

"Why do you asked that?" He asked in a tone he unconsciously always use to a kid.

"I don't know..." the boy pouted, "it's like, you never reply him whenever he's talking."

Taeyong smiled not knowing what to say, but a question surfacing in his mind, "do you love your daddy?"

"Yes I love him," Jaesun giggled and covering his mouth. "He always plays with me whenever he can and buy me lots of toys! And he likes to read me stories, and, and he often stroke my hair, I like it."

"Oh so you like to be stroked on the head? What a cutie you are," Taeyong chuckled as he run his hand on the black strands of the boy. "But don't you feel lonely when he left you alone like right now?"

"No... He always brought the other kids here if he really needs to go so I don't feel lonely. Sometimes there are other person too, like you, to accompany me, but they never stay long..."

"Other person?" Taeyong's heart thumped.

"Yeah, sometimes there was a lady or a man to stay with me... But they never stay more than a few weeks or days, but it's okay... I don't really like them. But I like you hyung! And you stay with me for so long, I want you to stay..." he pouted a bit.

"Jaesun..." Taeyong smiled awkwardly, keep stroking the boy's head more to distract himself than to comfort the boy.

"But you don't like daddy? What if you go away too...?" He whined. "I don't want you to..."

"I-I don't hate your daddy... I... I don't know."

"I want you to stay..."

Taeyong feels his heart breaking seeing the boy sad, he wanted to say he won't go away, after all he's trapped there, but he can't find it in himself to say the words. He was lost at what to say and keep stroking the boy to ease them both. As he was about to say something to change the topic, he felt a presence coming to them and he know he don't have to say anything more.

"Jaesun," the deep voice called for his son, in an instant Jaesun jumped to the strong arms and laughed in the warm embrace of his father. Taeyong watched how Jaehyun craddle his son and whispered something to his ears then letting the boy down, giggling Jaesun then running out of the room.

"Sorry about that," Jaehyun said to Taeyong as they're left alone, but Taeyong opted to turned away as always not letting the man see his face. Jaehyun sighed deeply but still walking closer to where he's sitting.

"Taeyong, let me see you," he called with a voice like caresses, sitting beside Taeyong yet keeping a considerate distance. "Look at me, Taeyong."

Unknown to him why but tears starting to wells up in his eyes, hearing the sweet tone of Jaehyun makes the feeling to give in even stronger, to place his trust again and love him like before. But his fear blocking him to do so, and he stubbornly keep looking away.

"Don't let what Jaesun said to burden you," Jaehyun said much to Taeyong's surprise but he still stay silent. Jaehyun's hand carefully caressing his cheek, so gently as if he's scared to touch him before then he sighed and was about to go away.

"What are you?" Taeyong suddenly asked, deciding to give the man a chance to explain after what he heard from the boy. "Where am I?"

Jaehyun too, was surprised finally hearing Taeyong asking him a question, a chance to answer.

"There are the realm of yours and the realms of mystical creatures like ghosts, demons and others," Jaehyun started slowly with steady voice, "and there are realms in between those, often connected to humans' dreams. And there are creatures like my kin who lives there."

It didn't took Taeyong long to understand and believe it, he's already in the said realm after all. "How... Did I got here?"

"The gate which connected those realms are actually always open, but as humans are lacking in their spiritual power, you never feel it and can only transfer through your dreams or in some other way where human's mind closest to a subconscious-ness condition," Jaehyun was elated seeing Taeyong is willing to listen and talk to him, his eyes was bright and a smile painted on his lips, which somewhat makes Taeyong touched at the eagerness and effort.

"That was why you only visited me in my dreams..."

"Yes, taking your soul was easy, but transfering your physical body to here was another. Something which you human often termed as spirited away."

Taeyong shivered at it, still uncomfortable knowing that, in someway, he was kidnapped to the other realm. "Why do you need human? Why can't you breed with your fellow kin if me, a man, can? Shouldn't it be possible then even if all your people are males?"

Jaehyun smiled, something akin to sorrow and soothing, "creatures like us didn't care about gender, from two they can create offspring no matter what their genders are. But unfortunately for my kin, we're unable to do the same, we need the living's vitality, and that means human. It's different than pregnancy which human experienced, we just borrow the human's body to put the child in them and took a bit of the human's energy, just until the baby is able to create his own energy. That was also why it didn't matter if the human is female or male, it works in a similar way of incubator."

Taeyong frowned, "and you ' _spirited away'_ these people for how long? Nine months?"

"No, just six months more or less," his smile is no longer sad, amused at Taeyong's reaction but more than that was the expectation of Taeyong being willing to understand him.

Taeyong nodded but didn't say anything other than his questions, "so you will return me after six months? After you used me?"

Jaehyun's eyes went wide, he was offended and hurt by the question more than Taeyong had expected, "Taeyong I didn't use you."

"Isn't it what you did to Jaesun's, I don't know what to term her, temporary mother?"

"She helped me, I didn't use her, it's such a degrading word to describe any of our partners. We never treat human less than us, it's a mutual understanding and help for each other," he raised his voice a bit feeling insulted, still he tries to keep his temper.

"What help you've given to her?"

"She was a lonely person, she wanted to have a child but unable to, so having Jaesun was a short lived dream for her. Sometimes I still visit her dream to let her meet Jaesun, it keeps her alive. She helped me and I try to help her. Then take my friend's partner for an example, she was abused by her parents, bullied by other people so much that she wanted to run away, my friend help her provide that in return for her help to bear his child. It never was forced Taeyong, it was always done by mutual understanding."

"Then what about me?" Taeyong cut in, voice so cold and harsh.

"What...?"

"You never said anything to me about all of this, all you did was tricking me, seducing me and getting me falling in love with you then you fucking kidnapped me! You fucking tricked me! How can I not feel used after what you've done to me?" He shouted, the anger once again raising and he pointed accusingly to Jaehyun with rage shining in his eyes. "And you said you treat human justly? Then what I am? A special human you can just kidnap and toy around?"

The expression on Jaehyun's face was of shock, guilt and pain. His eyes wide filled with so much emotions and his body went tense at the accusation. It would be a lie if Taeyong didn't feel the same pain as he look at the hurt on Jaehyun's face, he still love the man so much, but he need answer, to convience himself that he wasn't being conned.

"I really did tricked you, didn't I?" Jaehyun suddenly said with his eyes not focusing to anything and show only emptiness. Taeyong didn't know if the ache in his heart caused by the answer or because of the painful sight of emptiness within the once bright and lively eyes of Jaehyun. "All I wanted was to have you with me... I was afraid that you won't stay with me if you know the truth, yet I have to say it... That's why I never tell you all of it. And here I was avoiding all of that and I was sure enough you will understand me when I tell you, but it just won't work in the way I wanted, wouldn't it?"

Taeyong was taken a back at the vulnerable side of Jaehyun which finally showing in front of him. The Jaehyun right now is nothing like the confident, slightly arrogant yet gentle and caring Jaehyun which he knew, the one in front of him look so pitiful, so vulnerable and he know right now he's faced with the barest truth of Jaehyun.

"I really wronged you, didn't I? I did tricked you to chose me... I shouldn't done that," Jaehyun keep talking as if he's lost in his own thoughts, swimming in regret and sorrow.

"Jaehyun..." Taeyong called, all his anger dissipating and what's left only his will to understand the man in front of him. Strange as it may, he wanted to comfort the man as he couldn't take anymore of the pain filling the empty dark brown orbs of his lover. Taeyong could feel it, the love he tries to burry deep down in his heart is surfacing again and all he want right now is to embrace Jaehyun, although he's still unsure of what he wants after that. Is he ready to forgive him?

"I'm sorry Taeyong, I'm really sorry," tears spilling out and wetting Jaehyun's cheeks, making Taeyong hurt even more and he carefully walk closer to the man.

"Jaehyun," he called gently, the tone he never use again since being kidnapped, soothing Jaehyun as it also makes his guilt run deeper.

"You have the right to hate me..." he muttered, his voice was tired.

"Jaehyun, listen," he cupped Jaehyun's face to let their eyes meet, but Jaehyun's eyes was empty, not really seeing anything and only tears keep brimming out.

"I shouldn't forced you to be with me..."

"Jaehyun, you said it yourself that I chose it myself to be here. I-I was just angry and felt used because you didn't say anything to me. Right now... I'm still angry, but I'm willing to listen. Now if you're ready to talk it over with me, it would be different," he said in worry, seeing Jaehyun too out of it to really listen to his words.

"I wronged you.."

"Yes, yes you did, but-"

"I have no right to keep you here..."

"What? Jaehyun-" his lips was kissed, tenderly, affectionately and love was felt so clearly in the kiss. Taeyong almost forgot of how much he loves Jaehyun's kisses, but strangely this one kiss only makes him uneasy as it feels so much like a farewell.

As they pulled apart and Taeyong's heart was beating faster at the beautiful sight of sunlight shining in Jaehyun's tears between his eyelashes, the warm breath of words tickling his lips so sweetly it's painful.

"I'm sorry Taeyong."

  
And as the world goes dark, the light was fast to fill his eyes as he fluttering his eyelids open, feeling it so heavy and thick. He found himself laying on a bed which feels very familiar, the noises from a cheap TV and the ever humming refrigerator. His mind was too clouded to recognize all of it, disoriented to tell where he is and what just happened.

"Hyung?"

At the uncertain voice and gasp of shock, his mind brought solely to the present. To his old apartment. He turned to the voice, eyes wide in shock seeing Minhyung standing by the door with equal look of shock all over his face.

"Is that really you?" At the question Taeyong's mind put to stop, finally realizing he's really there, he's really back to his world, to his realm. To his family and friends, to real world. Relief bursting out in his chest, tears streaming down his cheeks at the overwhelming feeling of being home. He cries harder when Minhyung catch him in embrace, words spoken to assure each other in the unlikely event.

But minutes later as the joy in his thrumming chest toning down, the cause of his tears had become vague. Did he cry only because he's back home or did he cry because going back means no Jaehyun in his world? He wanted to go back to his world not so long ago, ye now, he didn't really know what he want.

 

  
\--

 

  
"How are you holding up?" was the first thing Chanyeol always asked whenever he came to visit.

"Good, still a bit sore," he replied and was glad because neither Chanyeol or Minhyung ever ask more about his disappearance. He know the two men wouldn't be able to believe it and considering they never ask, Taeyong concluded they knew the gist of it.

"Want me to massage you?" Taeyong smiled at the offer, Chanyeol have been very gentle and considerate towards him ever since he returned. He didn't know if it's because he was returned in a blink of an eye that his whole body was in pain, and that just doubled Chanyeol's kindness. Sometimes Taeyong wonders if he behave like that because he feels guilty for always dismissing Taeyong's story about his dreams.

"No, I'm okay. If you want to help, bring me a meaty meal, no, I'm not talking about cheap pork but the real deal, premium beef," he challenged with a huge grin.

He snorted, gazing at the floor with eyes seemingly sad, "you don't have to smile when you don't feel like it."

Taeyong's grin faltered, keeping his lips tight as his heart seen bare. Chanyeol always able to see through his expression.

"What's bothering you, Taeyong?" He asked almost in whisper but the look in his eyes is telling Taeyong that he's ready to listen to his story now.

Taeyong stare at his fingers, somehow unable to say it while looking straight into Chanyeol eyes, "I'm confused about what I want."

"Why?"

"Because..." he sniffed, "I was angry, I feel tricked, used and I thought... I thought he was only lying to me... But now, I don't know."

It was such an abstract sentences which Chanyeol didn't understand, but if he consider the stories abut Taeyong's dreams and his disappearance, he could somewhat get the rough assumption. He couldn't give any answer to it though, so all he could supplied was, "what does your heart tells you?"

The tears are glistening in Taeyong's eyes, although sorrow is also a part of it there is a determination in it.

"I want to believe him again."

Chanyeol smiled quite sadly, "sometimes we need to lose it to know the importance of it."

Taeyong cried but the smile on his face is something beautiful, "I love you, you know... Always am although I never have the courage to say it."

"It's quite ironic that you only say it now, but it's okay I always know. No matter which path you choose, you will always be my brother," he ruffled Taeyong's hair eliciting a laughter from the both of them, tears also welling up in his eyes. "What are you going to do now?"

Laughter stop and for a moment the sadness returned to Taeyong's eyes, "I've stopped dreaming... He never come to me again."

Chanyeol nodded but didn't say anything, letting Taeyong to choose it himself. The trust within Taeyong is something he's never able to bring forth, but now he's there with strength within his own person cultivated by the mysterious man, so he will trust Taeyong to make his own path even if it's meant separation for them. The spoken words was already enough as a farewell gift which he will hold on to forever.

Even if it's meant finding Taeyong bleeding to the verge of death from the cut in his wrist one day months later. And he watched Taeyong deep in slumber with all the hospital cables attached to him with pale skin, but his face is of serenity.

 

  
\--

 

  
"Why would you do something so idiotic as killing yourself, Taeyong?"

The voice was cold, thundering and harsh tainted with anger, yet it brought a smile out of Taeyong, "but I didn't die... You came for me."

"You are only a second away from death, why Taeyong? Even though I'm finally letting you go," he whispered in pain, sadness and anger.

"You told me before, I can only cross the gate when I'm closer to subconscious-ness, so I did what I did."

"But you can't control it! If I didn't come all what's going to happen is you slowly withering away in death, how can you be so foolish?" He shouted in frustration and despair.

"It's a gamble. If you really care for me, you will come. If you don't... Well, I'll die in my love for you," Taeyong took a step closer to the man, his fingers reaching out to touch the skin, feeling the warmth beneath his fingertips. Breathing deeply to inhale the scent he had come to miss and in that moment, forgiveness is unneeded to say but felt strongly through his love.

"I thought, I will lose you for real... You're really killing me, Taeyong. Is this your punishment for me?"

Taeyong's heart ached at the hint of cry in the man's voice, "I don't know which of you is the real one, the one who took me with hidden lies or the one who's showing me his vulnerable side like right now. But I know only one thing, that you seem to care for me... That you really thought of me of something important and I love both of them."

Two pairs of dark brown eyes met in the middle, both are full of tears and filled with so much emotions it connected so firmly.

"Tell me Jaehyun, do you really love me or was it just a lie you made to use me?"

Jaehyun closed his eyes and tears escaping his eyelids like beautiful falling diamonds under the sunlight, a sight which Taeyong took as honesty and the one he's been wanting to see.

"I love you Taeyong, I really love you."

It was said in a whisper but the truth is louder than the words, eliciting a soft laugh from Taeyong's lips. He took a step closer, this time he's the one who catch the falling of Jaehyun, embracing him to let his answer known.

This time he left for good, leaving Chanyeol only memories of Taeyong smiling for the last time in his deep slumber until he disappeared once again as the morning came. But he didn't feel too sad over it because sometimes, he had dreams where he could see Taeyong laughing happily and telling him stories about his new life. His new family.

And he loves nothing more than to see his brother being happy, always.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I managed to make you cry~~


	6. The Sorcerer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun never know about Taeyong beside that the guy is always sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is crack-ish or something with fluff and surreal vibes ♥♥♥(｡’▽’｡)♡
> 
> Also mild DoYu ♥

He woke up to a small, yellow chick peering down to him from his chest, cutely flapping it's barely existent wings. Jaehyun is confused, where he is, what was he doing, why is there a chick on his chest. When he look up, he sees green vines with soft blue and purple flowers coiling around on his wall to the ceiling and gently falling down above his head, sweet scents filling his once neat bedroom as more flowers blooming. He groaned, now he gets it.

Next came Doyoung shrieks splitting the tranquility of morning, "JAE! All our eggs hatching chicks! How can I cook breakfast??"

 _Cooking breakfast should be the least of his worry when flurries of yellow chicks chirping merrily in the kitchen and to Jaehyun's room,_ he thinks. And that's saying a lot since they live in an old yet _huge_ house inherited from Jaehyun's grandfather. The distance from the kitchen to Jaehyun's room is quite big, he fails to understand how can there be that much chicks when he remembers they only have about eight eggs in refrigerator.

He gets up nonetheless, cupping the chick on his chest tenderly with both hands so he doesn't hurt it. It's so cute how the chick is so tame, as if it trust Jaehyun. And he's welcomed by a pouting Doyoung when he reached the kitchen, putting down the chirping chick with it's siblings in a big cardboard box which got prepared by the other guy.

" _FIVE_ chicks and more came out from _ONE_ egg, Jae, five! How is that possible?" Doyoung is half whining, half grumbling and burying his face in his palm for his ruined breakfast plan.

"You haven't even see the flowers in my room," Jaehyun said calmly, went for the coffee machine when he realized his feet have been stepping on something soft, looking down to see it was flowers of many colors.

"Did you not see the flowers growing out from our floor? It still make sense when it's blooming out of wooden floors, but it's blooming out from the granite floors too! And did you see the flowers which covering all over our garden? It's _winter_ Jae."

"I don't think it even make sense for flowers to bloom out of wooden floor, Doy, your common sense is fucked up now, it seems," Jaehyun chuckled as he look out from the kitchen window to the garden, "would you look at that, as if the flowers in our garden isn't enough, those birds keep leaving flowers on our rooftop. And look, a fucking _rainbow_ around the sun? Wow."

"How long does it took this time?" Doyoung sighed, massaging his temple out of stress of how they're gonna clean up the mess.

"Almost half a year, I guess?" Jaehyun shrugged, not wanting to count the long weeks and months in his memory. It's been so lonely and painful, but he's patient enough for moments like this. It worth it.

"It's getting longer and longer, huh? And he's barely coherent every each time."

Jaehyun is aware of it too, but they know nothing, so they could only do nothing. He got kicked in the butt by Doyoung's foot, "what are you doing still here talking with me? He's waking up, go!"

So he's walking to the guest room with a giddy smile and leaping heart, excited yet and try to ignore the haunt of fear for the next lonely phase. When he opened the door to the guest room, he got even more surprised and mesmerized at the massive beautiful vines, green bluish leaves and flowers of so many colors almost covering all of the ceiling, there's golden sparkles like glinting sunlight and ever moving watery like reflection on the white walls. Each time the man is waking up, it never fails to amaze Jaehyun truly by the beauty of it. Wait, is that _a_   _tree_ in the bedroom?

In the big bed which is placed in the middle of the room, lies a beautiful man sleeping so peacefully. So beautiful Jaehyun could never take his eyes away from his face no matter how long he had watched him, somehow enchantingly his beauty never look the same. Slight tan skin, long eyelashes, high pointy nose, sharp jaw, dark shade of red hair and pretty, curvy lips. Jaehyun had kissed those lips many times, but still he thirst for the warmth and the softness of it, because that's the lips of his love and with his aching longing, he let his fingers grazes over it gently.

"Taeyong, wake up, I know you are awake," he called the gorgeous man softly.

And there the pretty eyelashes flutters open and Jaehyun could see the iridescent starry sky in the deep dark purplish orbs of the man. A small smile grows on his lips, but Jaehyun knew him enough that his eyes is not really seeing anything, yet.

"Oh, cotton candy..." The man, Taeyong mumbled, as his eyes fluttering close again.

Jaehyun look up to the adorned ceiling with soft rain of flower petals, not seeing anything resembling cotton candy and chuckles lightly realizing that Taeyong must be still too deep in his slumber. He caresses his cheeks with the back of his fingers, making Taeyong blearily opens his eyes again.

"Hey, wake up baby."

But Taeyong still have those hollow look in his eyes, then he mumbles again a bit louder, "no, that's not it... I can't go home Yuta." And he chews on his lips before he close his eyes again.

Jaehyun got even more confused, Yuta? Who the fuck is that? Now he's patting on Taeyong's cheeks to keep him awake, maybe he's just growing impatient, but he may also being jealous and want to know who is this Yuta that Taeyong is seems to be dreaming about. Shouldn't he dream about Jaehyun? "baby please wake up, I waited almost half a year so please at least give me one day with you awake."

Taeyong opened his eyes again, this time focusing to Jaehyun's eyes although still looking sleepy as heck, "oh Jaehyun...? Where's Yuta?"

"Who is Yuta?" he frowned, still prideful enough to stop himself from huffing in annoyance.

"Cousin... He was just here..." his eyes rolling up to the ceiling, taking in the way it looks. "I remember... Drinking something bitter..."

Jaehyun giggles then, taking Taeyong's hand in his and kissing the skin with so much longing, chest slightly aching, "that was half a year ago, you were drinking beer, remember? You were curious how does it taste like."

Taeyong smiles back although Jaehyun is sure he's not even aware why he was giggling, "bitter..." But then a soft frown made on his face, "half a year ago...? Did I..."

"Yeah, you fell asleep again dear," he informed almost with a sigh, so long, so lonely Jaehyun was, being able only to stare at sleeping Taeyong and kissed his face.

"Oh..." Taeyong lets out, yet eyes almost fluttering shut again.

"Baby, baby, how to keep you awake? Do my sleeping beauty need my kiss to wake up?" Jaehyun whined, laying down on his stomach to be closer with Taeyong, pressing his chin to the man's chest.

Taeyong automatically smiles, so pretty with soft soundless laugh, "nice..."

"Nice idea? Hmm?" Jaehyun grinned then kissed the curvy lips, chaste and tenderly, pouring his longing into the touch until Taeyong kiss him back softly, tongue peeking out to lick at his lips gingerly. "Only you who would have lavender smelling breath and peach candy sweetness on his tongue after sleeping for almost half a year."

"Is it...?" Taeyong asked slowly, still heavy with sleep. But he pecked Jaehyun's lips again.

"Oh!" Jaehyun got pleasantly surprised when suddenly more flowers blooming around the bed, often a telltale of, "you're feeling happy?" he giggles.

"With you," Taeyong kisses him again with closed eyes, "always..."

"So, can you get up now? Or are we staying in the bed for now?"

Taeyong smiled, but his dark eyes look so sleepy even with the colorful glints within it, as if infectious even Jaehyun starting to feel sleepy too by looking at him. But this is enough of an answer. 

"You can't, can you?" Jaehyun whispered, disappointed. There's a lot of things he wanted to do with Taeyong, even if it's such a simple thing like having meals together, but it doesn't seem like Taeyong is capable even for that. And it hurts, it's been so lonely and now he still couldn't get anything even when the man is awake. Barely, that is. 

"I'm messing up the season, am I?" Taeyong muttered, blinking his eyes delicately.

He bit his lower lip, eyes scanning the flowers and the plants filling the room, "it's supposed to be winter."

Taeyong closed his eyes taking a deep breath, "I see... I feel so, so sleepy, so tired... How long I've been here?"

"Here? As in since you start living here? Three years..."

"Then I've been gone from that place for... Nearly five years..." he sighed, closing his eyes as if he's too tired to even cry.

Yet it makes Jaehyun perking up, this is the first time Taeyong ever say something remotely about himself, Jaehyun didn't even knew _what_ the guy is and why he have such enormous magic to be able to cause spring in winter. He even caused a fucking rainbow around the sun.

The first time Jaehyun met him was when he found the guy sleeping under a tree at the park and Jaehyun went to told him that it's dangerous to sleep there, at night even. And the moment those deep, galaxy like eyes peering up to him, he got hooked, truly and wholly enchanted, then somehow the streetlamps start to burn brighter and the dark sky shifting, painted in waves of colors as billions of stars becoming visible as if the whole world is waking up like the man did. That moment was magical to Jaehyun, a sight which brought tears to his eyes, he would never forget such beauty, and the man was even more so.

"What place is it?" Jaehyun asked with a coaxing tone, almost like a lullaby, like a caress on smooth skin. He lay his head on his arm, which curled above Taeyong's head so he could play with his red hair, occasionally scratching the scalp softly.

"That place is only darkness," Taeyong said voice like a whisper, like a secret song. "A huge double door that you can stack up ten elephants and it will still be taller and bigger than that."

Jaehyun frowned with a smile, that's hard to imagine, just how big the door is? But he believes what his lover said, how could he not when Taeyong had shown him so many illogical yet magical and beautiful things? He remembers when Taeyong was crowded by wild doves, each of them carried flowers or fruits and gave it to him, like offerings. He remember when people got awed by his beauty yet his presence cast a huge fear upon them that they made way for him just like the red sea for Moses. Sometimes he wondered why he wasn't affected like that. He also remember that one time when he asked, ' _what are you?'_

"What door is it?" Jaehyun grinned when he saw the smile on Taeyong, still so sleepy, yet nonetheless so sweet and pretty.

"Yuta and I... Are the only one who can close it," he said it with a proud tone despite still looking sleepy and barely awake, but Jaehyun can see the fondness within it as he stare back. "Because there was nothing there, we created a lot of things, grew flowers, trees, let the chirping of the birds be heard and the melody of life sang on and on..."

Jaehyun is chuckling lightly because Taeyong is sidetracking, he didn't really answer the question, like always. Like whenever he asked him what he is, Taeyong always answered with his name. Then Jaehyun would asked again, ' _not your name, but_ what _are you?_ ' then Taeyong would always replied, _'I am me!_ ' with the sweetest and brightest grin. He never answer Jaehyun's questions properly, yet despite he knew nothing, he fell in love with the mysterious yet magical guy whom he found always sleeping at weird places (and still appear so fucking ethereal despite it, life is unfair).

"What door is it?" Jaehyun tries again.

This time the light in Taeyong's eyes becoming dim as his smile fades, "that door should stay closed." There's a moment of silence, fingers playing with Jaehyun's thicker ones, "it's keeping the things which would bring calamity upon this human world if the door ever open..."

It supposed to be scary, alarming, but Jaehyun could only care about understanding Taeyong, threading the words in his head, slowly unlocking each mystery it holds, "does that mean you're not human...?"

Taeyong chuckles, tugging on Jaehyun's shirt so the man would come under the blanket, he complying happily and placed Taeyong's head on his chest, heart thudding a bit faster as Taeyong leaning his face so close to Jaehyun, kissing his jaw softly, "is there a human looking like me?"

"Err... I don't think there's any human with eyes like yours... Then what are you?"

Taeyong opens his mouth only to close it again along with his eyes, "I feel sleepy..."

"You always make it such a cliffhanger," Jaehyun protested with a pout.

"I need... Yuta..."

"Why do you need him?" Jaehyun pouts harder, huffing a little, so what if he's being childishly jealous?

"Because we balance each other..." Taeyong mumbled, "without him my power will keep spilling out and I can't control it... And my body grows weaker... Sleepier..."

Now that makes Jaehyun anxious at the information, "isn't that... Bad? Then are you... Are you gonna...?"

"No, I'll be fine..." Taeyong chuckled with closed eyes knowing what Jaehyun is trying to ask, "I won't die from this, but it will... Affect the world... Yuta must be exhausted from keeping... The door closed alone for... Five years too..."

"You really don't know the way home?" Jaehyun remember asking why Taeyong kept sleeping at weird places. He had said that he forgot the way home, something about the gold string got cut accidentally by a psychic kid.

"I remember... That kid cut my way home... But that was my own stupidity..." he chuckled.

"Tell me," what kid, what string, what home, Jaehyun want to know it all. He brush his fingers to Taeyong's silky hair, letting his other hand be tugged mindlessly by Taeyong's warm, lean fingers.

"They let me came here because I need to... Find the next door sealer... The one with strong blood and power despite the lineage or... Origin. The gold string was... The only key for me to return, because my way back... Was connected to the door, a place where should always be kept a secret, thus the string. Lose it, then farewell... It happened when I wasn't looking, a human child who possesses a strong magic accidentally pulled at it and rip it... Even when the string was supposed to be invisible and invincible for anyone than Yuta and me..." he smiled, eyes opening as he let go of Jaehyun's fingers so he could touch the man's soft cheek.

"I can't go home... And they can't find me either, even if they can... The only ones who can cross the dimension are-"

"Yuta and you," Jaehyun supplies, chuckling together when he got it right. "The two of you must be so powerful that only both of you could do those things, something really special."

"Is it...?" Taeyong whispered with a forlorn look, "I always feel it's unfair... I want to be normal, doing normal things... But..." He's gazing into Jaehyun's eyes deeply, lovingly, kissing his lips, nose and forehead with so much affection, "I can only found you if I am what I am..."

Jaehyun's heart fluttering at the deep words, he could feel so much love from the kisses and the one bursting in his chest, so he kiss him back, a bit harder and deeper, "I'm glad I found you too."

"Oh," Taeyong lets out, eyes suddenly wide, sleepiness disappearing and the colors within his eyes gets brighter as his skin too start glowing and more alive. "He's here. How can he left the door and come here?"

Jaehyun is stunned, he never see Taeyong that beautiful, so much more beautiful. But  he's glowing! Like a fucking lamp and- "who's coming??"

Abruptly something exploded above them near the ceiling, spewing out colorful glittering dust and a burst of fresh smelling flower petals with a man in the middle of it all, floating midair. The man have the same galaxy eyes as Taeyong's, raven haired and a stunning beauty, causing Jaehyun star struck at the exploding beauty and that the man is still floating above them. He prays the man won't suddenly fall down and squeeze them flat.

"Taeyong!!" he screams and he did what Jaehyun feared, letting himself fall. Jaehyun screamed, but then the man touched the bed gently, not at all squeezing them and Jaehyun got embarrassed by screaming none too manly. The man is sitting on Taeyong's lap and curling his toned arms around the smaller man in the tightest hug, face mashed to Taeyong's cheek in what seems to be quiet painful from the force he's using. "You stupid, troublemaker dumb dumb!! Do you know how hard it was without you? We have to gather four hundred best sorcerers to keep the door closed so I can pick you up!!"

Taeyong sit up and hug the man back, lights dancing in his teary eyes and any previous sleepiness gone from his features, "Yuta I'm sorry... I missed you so much, I missed home, and I promise I'll keep the door closed by myself when we come home."

"You better!" Yuta said, partly pouty to hide the way his eyes is tearing up too, and he also seem happy and amused, "you also have about a hundred vampires and seventy two werewolves to feed as a thanks. Oh also fifty werecats."

"Uh... And why is that?" Taeyong blinked confusedly, causing Jaehyun to stare because this might be the first time he got to see Taeyong's other sides.

Yuta rolled his eyes, "finding strong sorcerers isn't an easy feat you know, and they also help keeping the door closed with their power when I got too tired because there weren't you."

Jaehyun try to think over the words, finding it hard to believe but, "Wow, there are werewolf and vampire...? Wait, does werecat is like, a feline version of werewolf?"

It seems like it's only then that Yuta realized there's someone else with them, growing wide eyed looking at Jaehyun, "what the- a human! Wow, it's been so long since I saw one."

"What are you talking about, there are humans in Belzoum," Taeyong flicked Yuta's forehead for being a drama queen.

"Yeah but we mostly stayed in Elyquem, there's none," he shrugged.

Jaehyun watch the interaction with amazement, although there's a hint of jealousy deep down, because why this Yuta guy still sitting on Taeyong's lap? "Uh, Taeyong, you're not sleepy anymore?"

Taeyong smiled as he pull Jaehyun by the nape and kiss him, so passionately and hard unlike any other times, taking all he could now that he's sober, making the human weak from the sensation. "I told you he's balancing my power so now with him here, I'm healthy again," he breathed to Jaehyun's bruised lips with a grin, leaning in to kiss him hungrily again before being forced to pull away when Yuta -who's being smashed between them- loudly gasping in shock.

"Taeyong! What the fuck- Are you- Do you love him?" he asked in an alarmed tone, catching Taeyong in surprise.

"I-"

But Taeyong's answer got cut off by Doyoung's screaming from outside the room, " _JAEHYUN WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THAT ROOM WHY THE CHICKS TRANSFORMING INTO PHOENIXES???_ "

All three of them got startled, slightly jumping on the bed and Jaehyun was about to answer, but this time it's Yuta who is screaming, "TAEYONG YOU KNOW IT'S FOREVER FOR US!!"

That took Jaehyun's full attention, causing him to forget to answer Doyoung. What? But Doyoung is impatient, " _WHY IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE'S VOICE WHOM I DON'T KNOW OF?? WHAT'S GOING ON, THIS HOUSE CAN'T KEEP PHOENIXES AND I WANT TO CHECK BUT TOO SCARED._ "

"God dammit Doyoung just stop screaming your lungs out and get inside here!" Jaehyun screamed back although not as loud.

" _Are you guys decent?_ "

"WHAT DO YOU THINK WE WERE DOING," Jaehyun screamed even louder and pinched higher, "wait, is that what you mean when you said you're too scared to check??"

The door creaking open, wide eyes and gaping mouth peeking in and Yuta wow-ed when he see Doyoung crawling in cautiously, "what a cutie."

Jaehyun thinks Yuta is easily distracted, also why is he still on Taeyong's lap??But he didn't blame Doyoung's reaction when he's looking at the two, they're of ethereal beauty and pulls at even the iron hearted ones, so he doesn't judge at the way Doyoung's jaw dropped in awe.

"Come on in Doyoung," Taeyong calls sweetly and the younger is complying like a bewitched cat to a catnip. Taeyong in his weak, sleepy state was already irresistible, now that he's in his best condition, he's a breathing _siren_. He could kill Jaehyun, and he'd be thankful for it.

"Can I keep him?" Yuta whispered with enthusiasm to Taeyong, hands reaching out for Doyoung but Jaehyun, fearing for his step brother's well being, grabbed the younger first and pull him away from Yuta's hands. The two can have powerful magic, but Jaehyun still have stronger muscles than the two, at least it seems so. But can physically strength win over magical force? He's not sure.

"He's not a pet, you can't keep him!" Jaehyun exclaimed in horror, cradling Doyoung's head close to his thundering chest, "is that what humans are in your world??"

"Of course not!" both Yuta and Taeyong said, "dear lord what do you think we are?"

"I don't know, you never told me!" Jaehyun accused, for the first time realizing that Taeyong could be tricking him by not telling him anything. Somehow there's an ache in his heart, he didn't want to believe it that Taeyong could be a bad person.

"We are sorcerers," Yuta said with a sigh.

"Like Harry Potter?" Doyoung asked wide eyed, looking like a bunny and successfully makes Yuta cooing at him.

"Who's Harry Potter?" Taeyong asked back with a serious frown.

"Never mind," the brothers said in unison.

"I guess Taeyong didn't tell you anything," Yuta clicked his tongue.

"Nothing," the brothers quickly said again in unison. What a comedian pair.

Yuta sighed and Taeyong retorted, "hey I barely can keep myself awake, much less thinking."

"Figured, you don't even tell this human lover of yours that our kind can only fall in love once, forever."

Taeyong blushed, "hey-"

" _That_ , I want to know that, what does it mean?" Jaehyun cut in in all seriousness.

"Jaehyun..." he sighed tiredly, trying to warn yet know enough Jaehyun is relentless when he wants to.

"That means we can only love one person and it's forever, literally. That's actually why I disagree with it, human life span is too short! What are you doing Taeyong?" Yuta change his tone into scolding.

"If I can control it, I would Yuta... Alas, here I am," Taeyong sighed with closed eyes.

Yuta sobs without tears, mostly being the drama queen he is, "you'll be lonely for so many years..."

"I'll have you-"

"How long you guys... Lives?" Jaehyun cut in again ignoring Taeyong's exasperated look.

"About five times longer than human's."

Jaehyun's heart aching at Yuta's answer and looking to Taeyong, which only got replied with a sad smile, "that's..."

"Long, I know," Taeyong said with a smile still, "but it's okay, we can relish on memories. And I won't be alone when you die of old age, I'll still have Yuta, my soul mate."

Now that makes the two human surprised, Doyoung gaped dumbly, "you guys are soul mates? But then... How can Taeyong fall in love with Jaehyun then?"

"What's wrong with that?" both sorcerers asked with a frown.

"But... Isn't soulmates like, meant to be together?"

"We are," the sorcerers said in unison.

"But..." Doyoung whined in frustration, utterly confused, "is it polyamory?"

"What? No! I only love Jaehyun," Taeyong said in the same confusion.

"Oh, I guess you think soulmates is together romatically too?" Yuta laughed, "some are, some don't. Like us, our souls is compatible with each other in the way that our magic can't be without each other, but there's nothing romantic at all. We love each other a lot, but not like that."

"Oh..." Doyoung is still looking a bit confused.

"Maybe it's like the best, best friend, isn't it?" Jaehyun supplies which earning a nod and Doyoung finally gets it.

"Oh like that."

"Which reminds me, we can't be away for too long from the door, we need to hurry back Taeyong," Yuta said and that caused a sorrowful look on both Jaehyun and Taeyong.

"As in right now? Will you be back again?" the human asked, holding on Taeyong's hand not wanting to let go.

Taeyong is smiling sadly, caressing Jaehyun's hands and brings it to his lips, kissing it so sorrowfully and tears lingering in his eyelashes, "maybe... But by that time you'll probably be old grandpa already."

The two brothers gasped, "that long??"

"How old do you think we are?" Taeyong laughed, wiping the wetness in his eyes, "we're two hundred and twenty four already, it took us that long to be able to cross dimension, to here."

Jaehyun feels the growing sadness and panic at the fact. He's going to be alone, Taeyong would be out of his entire life with no other way to keep him, he won't, he _can't_ stay, Jaehyun don't want that. Yet he will still have it easier because as a human he could move on, learning to love another eventually, but Taeyong? He can't and it's sad, so painful and lonely.

"Let's just bring them with us!" Yuta suddenly said while punching his palm, eyes wide in excited realization.

"Yuta..." Taeyong warns tiredly.

"What? There's no law saying we can't."

"That's practically asking them to leave their normal life, we can't send them back until they have turned into wrinkly gramps..." Taeyong rolled his eyes, cradling the growing headache.

"Then we can make them age slowly like us too," Yuta retorted with a scoff.

"How are you planning to do that."

"Maybe a vampire-"

"Ugh, no, I don't like how they smell like blood almost every damn time," Taeyong quickly rejects.

"Then werewolf-"

"God no, they smell like wet dogs in rainy days."

" _Excuse me Taeyong-_ " Yuta exasperated.

"Sorry, but what are you guys talking about?" Jaehyun interject in haste, feeling wary.

"We're talking about what to change you into so you will age like us," Yuta said and the human brothers feel their heads spinning.

"Wait, wait a moment," Jaehyun rubs his forehead in agony.

"You can change us into vampires?" Doyoung exclaimed in wonder, "cool~"

"No Doyoung, that's not cool," Jaehyun deadpanned.

"You don't like those choices? Well, there's another one..."

"No, Yuta, not that one," Taeyong stressed.

"But why? You guys are lovers."

"What is it?" Jaehyun lifted his eyebrows in question and interest.

"Be the sorcerer's mate!" Yuta grins.

"What" " _No_ " Doyoung and Taeyong said together.

"That's the only other way, you guys doesn't want to separate, right?" Yuta grinned, a bit wicked, he also didn't miss his chance to wink at Doyoung.

"But he will still have human's heart and it's fleeting... He would still be able to fall out of love and those long years..." Taeyong sighed.

"There's another catch, right?" Jaehyun asked in suspicion.

Yuta have the audacity to look sheepish, "when one dies, the other die along with the partner."

"This is why-"

"Okay," Jaehyun said firmly not letting Taeyong finishing his words.

"WHAT."

"Can you guys not shout in my ears?" Jaehyun exclaimed, pressing his palms over his ears, "and why Yuta shout the loudest?"

"BECAUSE-"

"Why would you?" Taeyong screamed.

"Look, I have perfect hearing you guys don't need to shout," Jaehyun cupped his ears before looking straight to his lover, "besides, you gave me new life Taeyong. Before you my life is so dull, so boring and you have shown me many things, many wonders. I don't want to be separated from you, I'm willing to leave this life if I can be with you, even for hundreds years."

Taeyong is blinking in disbelief, slowly tears glistening in his eyes, bright iridescent colors jumping around in his beautiful dark purplish orbs and the lovers share a gaze of understanding, fondness and love for a moment. Until Doyoung ruined the moment by yelling.

"But I can't live without my bro!!"

A beat of extremely awkward silence then the three others burst out laughing, leaving Doyoung feeling super left out.

"We can still bring you with us even if you stay human, Doyoungie," Taeyong chuckled, cupping the guy's cheek tenderly to assure.

"Or be a sorcerer's mate too if you want," Yuta chimed in, giving Doyoung the brightest, widest, nastiest grin, "mine of course."

Doyoung cringed and the three laughed again.

Jaehyun pulls Taeyong by the collar a bit too forcefully because Yuta is still sitting on his lover's lap all this time, kissing his lips a bit too desperate, too overwhelmed and eyes connected as they pull away slightly, airy breathing mixing together, sweet like the longing in their hearts, "take me with you, my sorcerer, I'm ready."

Taeyong kisses back, touches gentle and fond, "if you're so willing to leave this human world, then let us go back to my world first and after that... We can talk it again about being mates more thoroughly and carefully, how does it sounds?"

Jaehyun doesn't even need to think more, "I'm in."

 

 

 

\--

 

 

"Hey Doyoung, how about being a sorcerer's mate?"

"Leave me alone!"

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried.... *sob*


	7. Red and Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They found a kinship between them, a deep bond of understanding which only they could share, a unique pair like no one else.
> 
> They complete each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they tease each other :3
> 
>  
> 
> This is like the remake of a previous chapter: You and Me. But this is softer, and fluffy at the end ♥♥

Taeyong remember his happy time playing with other kids, the laughter, the running together and climbing up trees like any boys would. He has a lot of friends girls and boys alike. He remembers his parents doted on him like they dote on his sister. Only for it all got taken away when the unexpected happened.

He was feeling upset because a kid was keeping a secret from him, his little mind thought he was being singled out, only to find out that they were trying to surprise him with his tenth birthday, later on when it's all too late. A kid as he was, such a little thing could upset him so much, envy, anger and fear tangled together into a massive ill emotions that suddenly his skin turned hot and fire lapping out to his surroundings, heat permeated the air into rippling mirage and burning the grass underneath his little feet.

He can’t stop, he can’t control it and as he cries harder, the hotter the fire burns. He remembers the pain when water was poured over him, killing the fire but also hurting his body with it. After that people are scared of him, looking at him like he’s an abomination, a demon child and he was left with no friends.

No questions were answered. Nobody knows why something like that could happen. But one time people could forget and forgive, deluding themselves with more rational thoughts and thinking that maybe the fire was caused from the heat of the sun and he was caught in it. Although if it was so, how could Taeyong’s skin wasn’t burnt at all? But they think, maybe it was just a mistake and their minds was playing trick on them.

But when it happened again for the second, third times, it’s undeniable the fire was coming from Taeyong himself. Then as if Taeyong could control it, as if he did it deliberately, people hold him in contempt and fear, avoiding the kid like he’s cursed and ought to be shunned.

Taeyong remember losing his happy childhood due to the mystical fire within him. His parents loves him still, but he remembers the stirring fear growing inside their eyes whenever he was feeling upset. If his own parents are scared of him, than how could anyone else accept him being a _mutant_ like that?

He's growing up being quiet, talking less, smiling less and most of all he tries to feel less, the hardest of them all, in hope that could contain the uncontrollable fire. He remembers going into middle school without a single friend. But it’s okay, he thinks, he still have his sister who likes him the way he is, even when he get upset, she would still hold her ground and stare straight in his eyes, it's okay. Beside he’s not the only boy without friends in middle school.

There’s Jaehyun, a junior who always look alone and cold, stiff and unapproachable, no one ever see him smile and when he talks, he's _breathing_ sarcasm. And Taeyong feel a bit better knowing he’s not the only one who's not accepted, alone without friends.

But the thing about feelings is they work in a way you can’t control. It was a simple thing, it always was the simple happenings, an old teacher whom Taeyong adore is retiring and he feels upset, because she was always so kind to him and treated him like he’s a normal boy, like he’s not a kid who will combust anytime he’s ticked with something. He was so upset with the familiar sense of anxiety, as if he's losing his place again and he couldn’t control the dark emotions to rouse and burning on his skin. Unfortunately it has to happen when he was at school, where everybody can see him burning in raging fire.

 _Ah_ , he thought, _they will hate me even more._ He had given up, letting the fire burn larger and hotter as he cries in his pitiful solitude. That is, until a hand grabbed his shoulder, half hugging his burning body. He look up in shock, it’s been so long since anyone is dare enough to touch him directly like that and he saw Jaehyun looking back to him with a deep frown.

“How about you ceasing down this fire of yours, huh?”

Taeyong is speechless, this guy really is touching him while he’s burning! Pushing the guy away in panic, the fire around his hands burning the guy's shirt in mere seconds, “you’ll hurt yourself!”

“Really?” Jaehyun smiled ignoring the sweat rolling down his skin due to the unbearable heat. But he didn’t burn like everything around Taeyong, and he keep his arms tight around Taeyong's smaller body.

“H-how?” Taeyong is baffled noticing his fire is fading slowly into nothing than hot and steamy air.

The guy smirked, crinkles around his eyes, “it’s gonna take more than that to burn me.”

And he shows Taeyong a flower of ice on his palm, reflecting a lot of colors like diamond and so beautiful. There and then, Taeyong finally understand, he was another abnormality like Taeyong, the shunned and the cursed. But he holds power over ice, opposite to him. And that was the start of their kinship, a deep bond of understanding which only they could share, a unique pair like no one else. _They complete each other_.

But being the angsty teen they are, they never really talk about what they're feeling for each other, assuming that their friendship is more than enough when the whole world is trying to drag them down. It's not like they're oblivious to it though, they know they have something more, because sometimes Taeyong teased Jaehyun who would replied back with more flirty jokes, making him the one who got embarrassed instead. It feels good though, they likes it because of how easy it feels, maybe that's why they never really say anything.

 

 

Taeyong hate summer, well, not really. Fire can’t harm him but heat does bother him, a lot. Summer is no exception. He hates the way he would be sweating buckets by walking out a building, when his clothes will stick to his skin and makes it even more uncomfortable. So yeah, Taeyong hate summer and exam. Who doesn’t, really, when they have to study in a library with broken AC. If he could, he would totally run away and search for a cooler place, but the materials he need is in the said library and another library exist at quite a distance. He’s not so excited to walk again under the scorching sun.

He’s been sitting and sweating in his seat for two hours or so, unable to really read the written words on the pages, words floating around without him being able to concentrate. He hates this, but he need to score well for tomorrow exam, he’s so sure he’s damned right now that he almost laugh at his misery. He lean back to look around, seeing other people nose deep into their own books, he wonders how can these people concentrate in this hell hole.

When he’s about to say _fuck it_ with his exam, suddenly he feel a cold wind running up his spine, which is very pleasant but the abruptness kind of alarmed him. Did the AC got fixed or something? He look up to see that, no, the AC is still very much untouched and broken. So what was it?

Then the coldness seeping in again to his skin, making him sigh in a somewhat relief although confused as hell. That is until a flower of ice blooming out of the table he currently sat at. Initially he was more confused, but then he remembers that flower and whom it belongs to. So he's looking around trying to find the man, only to scream because the said man suddenly came from behind him.

“Hey, oh my god you screamed so loud,” the man chuckled and grab on Taeyong’s shoulder as an attempt to calm him.

“Jaehyun! Holy shit you can’t just popped out of nowhere and scare me like that!” Taeyong hissed through his cupped mouth, looking embarrassed and guilty when other people staring accusingly to him for being so loud and breaking whatever hard achieved concentration they had.

“I said hello already,” Jaehyun shrugged nonchalantly, as if he’s not guilty at all at surprising Taeyong.

“When? I don’t think I’ve slept just to missed it,” Taeyong grumbled while adjusting his books so it won’t break the ice flower on the table. Don't judge him, it’s beautiful, he want to look at it longer.

“That,” Jaehyun pointed at the flower, “that was my hello, who else can make that if it’s not me? I thought you know that flower is my signature.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes, “you only gave me like _one second_ to look at it then you suddenly materialized behind me, anyone would be surprised.”

Jaehyun only smiled then sit down on the chair beside Taeyong, lightly kicking the man's foot, “I just thought you looked so uncomfortable so I’m trying to help.”

“Oh yeah, that was you right? The cold wind? It was really nice, thank you. How do you know I was feeling hot though?” Taeyong shoved Jaehyun's legs away none too gently, "stop kicking me."

“You were sweating like pig,” Jaehyun laughed with big gaping mouth, looking so pleased, gaining a slap to his shoulder from irked Taeyong.

“Excuse you, pig?”

“A _cute_ pig,” Jaehyun winked, feeling proud and happy for causing the soft blush on the older's cheeks. “You know that mini pigs are adorable right?”

“Mini??” Taeyong gaped, “you called me a pig and now _mini_? I’m hurt, seriously, you could have said I look like a lost kitten or something, but _pig_?”

“What’s wrong with pigs? Pigs are cute,” he grinned making Taeyong more exasperated.

“You do know pigs have bad connotation right? People use it to insult.”

“I don’t think of that, I just know they’re cute and what’s the difference between pigs and kittens or puppies? They’re all animals and adorable. Why would saying someone look like a puppy is fine but then saying pig is a problem?”

Taeyong lifted one of his eyebrow and stare at the man judgingly, but seeing Jaehyun shrugged with a persistent grin, he relents, “fine.”

“What matters is I found you cute, right?”

Taeyong blushed again, fingers flapping at the book pages although his eyes aren’t reading anything. He cleared his throat, “so, you never feel hot in summer?”

Jaehyun laughed softly at Taeyong’s attempt to change topic, “thankfully not, but it becomes a problem when it’s winter because my body temperature is too cold.”

“I see, that’s similar with my condition…” Taeyong hummed not really minding it, only to stare back at Jaehyun when the said man keep grinning mischievously to him, “ _what?_ ”

“I can help you to feel cool like this when it gets too hot for you, but then how about winter?”

“What about winter…?” Taeyong asked carefully already feeling the upcoming suggestion.

“Then you have to help me warm my body,” Jaehyun smirked, almost grinning when Taeyong blushing harder than before. That sounds so… Ambiguous.

“I-I still can’t really control my fire, what if I burn you?” Taeyong gritted his teeth when he’s stuttering. _Why being so obvious Taeyong_?

“Well, winter is still not coming for months, I can help you learn to control it. But, you can warm me in another way,” Jaehyun fucking winked, Taeyong is so fucked.

He coughed, “yeah?” turning his eyes back to the book to ignore the heat in his face down to his neck and up to his ears. Jaehyun’s presence should have cool him down, but why the room suddenly feel hotter than before?

Jaehyun chuckled happily, seemingly so content at teasing the older and he's pinching at Taeyong's red cheek adoringly, “you’re so cute.”

“You’re being too ambiguous!” Taeyong whined, burying his face to his book, anymore teasing and he would combust and burn the whole damn library. Not that he would, he knows he can count on Jaehyun to stabilize his power if his fire get too much.

“Ambiguous what? I was just implying we could share a blanket or maybe you can hug me to help me just like any good friends do, it’s your mind which went to the gutter,” he’s laughing now, much to Taeyong feeling ashamed.

Taeyong refuse to look up from his book and mutters, “I hate you.”

“You hate me?” Jaehyun chuckles, leaning down to bump his head to the older's head, until he's smiling fondly. “You know that hatred is an intense emotion, right? You have that kind of intense feeling for me?”

“Shut up,” he whines again, oh he so hate this Jaehyun guy no matter if he’s his savior or that he kinda have a crush on him. Okay well, it’s not _kinda_ , he _totally_ crushing on him. Or maybe more. I mean, have you look at the guy? He’s fucking hotter than Taeyong’s hottest fire.

Still smiling, Jaehyun reaching out his hand to tuck Taeyong’s hair behind his ear, eyes fond and full of the pour of his feelings, “I also have an intense feeling for you Taeyong, but it’s the opposite of hate.”

And well, Taeyong did went combust at the unexpected confession.

But he’s happy, so he can’t complain when the librarian scolds him for burning one of the book he was reading.

 

 

Years later Taeyong still remember a lot of the unhappy memories in his childhood. But he thinks, he didn’t regret it if it means he got Jaehyun now. As they are intertwining their hands together, they feel like _normal_ people and Taeyong always found his heart fluttering as he saw the love in Jaehyun’s eyes. A love which they both share.

People may still fear them, but they have each other and it makes them stronger. So, to hell with those people, they are happy now.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love me this kind of Jaehyun :33


End file.
